My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming." New Living Translation, Psalms 27: 8
Just wanted to share this, these past two weeks have been filled with some testing times. Hubby & I had to make an impromptu weekend drive to AZ (7hrs now instead of the normal 8hrs - thanks to the completion of the Hoover Dam Bridge... and incredibably not as daunting as I thought it might be) to visit Grandma who was in Hospital with a long list of medical terms I couldnt repeat even if I tried. She's a fighter though and hanging in there. We left Sat afternoon and came back Monday morning. To say we were'nt knackered would be lying... we were schwoooshed!! Is that a new word?? lol eh well! Regardless, we'll continue to keep grandma in prayers and we have to prepare for the eventual event of having to let her go back to God... it wont be easy but I personally would rather that than see her in any more pain. WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
Thanksgiving was Yesterday and we spent it with family & friends, it was a freezing -2 degrees on Thanksgiving Eve and I seriously didnt even want to leave home but we have plenty to be Thankful for and that we had to share that with loved ones, we are thankful for those who opened their homes up to us to share Thanksgiving with. The cold however, Im struggling to understand what I could possibly be thankful for... so We both absolutely agree (without any doubt) that this will be our last Winter in Utah - FOREVER!! lol I love that, so we're making plans for our next move as soon as we can find work and finances underway. I CAN'T WAIT! lol
I still have a long way to go in seeking my Happiness again but my family & friends (those that matter and care genuinely, and not just faking the funk) have been sharing encouraging words with me and egging me on back. The old Me will soon return and she wont be an easy one to get along with but she'll be ME and thats all I want. Lol
It will be sad to leave the friends Ive made here in Utah, they've been a Godsend to me, today at work we shared what we were most thankful for and I truly am thankful that no matter where we have moved, Ive been blessed to have met some amazing people and also thankful for those who have given me headaches lol, they keep me on my toes and keep me going back to where I BELONG! A humbling experience but one I need to have more now than ever. Lord, Im coming... slowly but surely, Im coming back HOME!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Feeling lighter!
No, no I havent lost anymore weight, however, people have commented recently that I do look "slightly" slimmer hahaha SLIGHTLY??? gee thanks! Lol
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
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