My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming." New Living Translation, Psalms 27: 8
Just wanted to share this, these past two weeks have been filled with some testing times. Hubby & I had to make an impromptu weekend drive to AZ (7hrs now instead of the normal 8hrs - thanks to the completion of the Hoover Dam Bridge... and incredibably not as daunting as I thought it might be) to visit Grandma who was in Hospital with a long list of medical terms I couldnt repeat even if I tried. She's a fighter though and hanging in there. We left Sat afternoon and came back Monday morning. To say we were'nt knackered would be lying... we were schwoooshed!! Is that a new word?? lol eh well! Regardless, we'll continue to keep grandma in prayers and we have to prepare for the eventual event of having to let her go back to God... it wont be easy but I personally would rather that than see her in any more pain. WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
Thanksgiving was Yesterday and we spent it with family & friends, it was a freezing -2 degrees on Thanksgiving Eve and I seriously didnt even want to leave home but we have plenty to be Thankful for and that we had to share that with loved ones, we are thankful for those who opened their homes up to us to share Thanksgiving with. The cold however, Im struggling to understand what I could possibly be thankful for... so We both absolutely agree (without any doubt) that this will be our last Winter in Utah - FOREVER!! lol I love that, so we're making plans for our next move as soon as we can find work and finances underway. I CAN'T WAIT! lol
I still have a long way to go in seeking my Happiness again but my family & friends (those that matter and care genuinely, and not just faking the funk) have been sharing encouraging words with me and egging me on back. The old Me will soon return and she wont be an easy one to get along with but she'll be ME and thats all I want. Lol
It will be sad to leave the friends Ive made here in Utah, they've been a Godsend to me, today at work we shared what we were most thankful for and I truly am thankful that no matter where we have moved, Ive been blessed to have met some amazing people and also thankful for those who have given me headaches lol, they keep me on my toes and keep me going back to where I BELONG! A humbling experience but one I need to have more now than ever. Lord, Im coming... slowly but surely, Im coming back HOME!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Feeling lighter!
No, no I havent lost anymore weight, however, people have commented recently that I do look "slightly" slimmer hahaha SLIGHTLY??? gee thanks! Lol
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Snow & Justin Bieber
I hate it, granted it does have visual beauty but I still hate it! We just got our first Snow of the year and I for one am not in the least bit excited... 1) because its not even the end of the October and 2) can it not snow without the wind chill!!!! I think I'd be ok with it if it would just made an appearance on Christmas Day but frankly, its an unwanted guest at my front door. Lol
Regardless of that, I am happy to say that this will be our very last White Christmas! YAY!! So at least I can just make do with it this year, hang in there till the end of winter and then wave Gooooodbye Forever to Snow! I dont care if its not Sunny I intend to spend the rest of my Christmas' planted at the beach! - California, Florida, Hawaii it does'nt matter where the beach is... I will be at A beach (any beach) next Xmas so help me and Yes, I will be happy to be the only one sitting at the beach even if its raining on Xmas Day, that how much I miss Xmas at the Beach... I know it wont be NZ but still at least its Xmas at the Beach ! Lol
In other news, ironically, after fully not understanding the whole fad that is Justine Bieber, I finally listened to Justin Bieber's Baby on Youtube and discovered that I actually quite like... no not like - Love that song and I thoroughly beat the mess out of it on repeat cleaning the apartment yesterday lol I was still singing it when I got called into work last night. I finally understand the big deal - the song just makes you feel REALLY GOOD!! You've gotta check it out!
Other than that, Im full, I just finished dinner with my beloved - Chicken Broccoli Casserole mmmm. God continues to bless us. Thank you Lord!
NOTE TO SELF: you really need to stop typing in txt mode - it makes for faster editing.
Regardless of that, I am happy to say that this will be our very last White Christmas! YAY!! So at least I can just make do with it this year, hang in there till the end of winter and then wave Gooooodbye Forever to Snow! I dont care if its not Sunny I intend to spend the rest of my Christmas' planted at the beach! - California, Florida, Hawaii it does'nt matter where the beach is... I will be at A beach (any beach) next Xmas so help me and Yes, I will be happy to be the only one sitting at the beach even if its raining on Xmas Day, that how much I miss Xmas at the Beach... I know it wont be NZ but still at least its Xmas at the Beach ! Lol
In other news, ironically, after fully not understanding the whole fad that is Justine Bieber, I finally listened to Justin Bieber's Baby on Youtube and discovered that I actually quite like... no not like - Love that song and I thoroughly beat the mess out of it on repeat cleaning the apartment yesterday lol I was still singing it when I got called into work last night. I finally understand the big deal - the song just makes you feel REALLY GOOD!! You've gotta check it out!
Other than that, Im full, I just finished dinner with my beloved - Chicken Broccoli Casserole mmmm. God continues to bless us. Thank you Lord!
NOTE TO SELF: you really need to stop typing in txt mode - it makes for faster editing.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 2010 Update.
OCTOBER! OCTOBER! OCTOBER!
October is my favourite month, yes Im being biased because I was born this Month, in fact 2 days into the whole month I graced this world with my presence and everyone was better for it.... bahaha in a perfect world maybe. But October is also special because I share the Birthday Month with many other special & dear to me people... two very special birthdays of note are both Ben & I's eldest uncles turned 60yrs three days within each other. HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY TO UNCLE TU'A & UNCLE AUTAI.
A milestone in both our families as they are both consecutively the eldest surviving Uncles in each of our families. And to have them both celebrate 60yrs within 3days of each other on my favourite month of the year just means they're that much more special to me as well. May God bless you both with 60 more wonderful years of life, we love you both very very much.
Wishing all the OCTOBER babies of our family & friends... a whopping 21 of us... A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
My cousin Juliana celebrated her 21st birthday in NZ this past week and took some beautiful photos of Home which increased my Homesickness by oh at least a thousand lol but I wanted to share this photo of a certain little niece of mine atop a laundry basket during an All Blacks Rugby game. A true Kiwi at heart and unfortunate bigger Rugby fan than her own mother. Lol
October is my favourite month, yes Im being biased because I was born this Month, in fact 2 days into the whole month I graced this world with my presence and everyone was better for it.... bahaha in a perfect world maybe. But October is also special because I share the Birthday Month with many other special & dear to me people... two very special birthdays of note are both Ben & I's eldest uncles turned 60yrs three days within each other. HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY TO UNCLE TU'A & UNCLE AUTAI.
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| Uncle Tu'a & kids |
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| Stylin Uncle Autai |
A milestone in both our families as they are both consecutively the eldest surviving Uncles in each of our families. And to have them both celebrate 60yrs within 3days of each other on my favourite month of the year just means they're that much more special to me as well. May God bless you both with 60 more wonderful years of life, we love you both very very much.
Wishing all the OCTOBER babies of our family & friends... a whopping 21 of us... A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
My cousin Juliana celebrated her 21st birthday in NZ this past week and took some beautiful photos of Home which increased my Homesickness by oh at least a thousand lol but I wanted to share this photo of a certain little niece of mine atop a laundry basket during an All Blacks Rugby game. A true Kiwi at heart and unfortunate bigger Rugby fan than her own mother. Lol Of course my gorgeous lil Chinaman nephew TinTin also in there gettin his share of Rugby air time lol. We love you both so much!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dreeeeaaam, Dream, Dream, Dream
I told my husband today that he woke me up this morning... long after he left for work. He had, in fact, woken me up twice this morning, the first time when he was getting ready for work and conveniently left the bathroom light conveniently (yet again) shining right into my face lol, the second and the most beautiful time in my dream when he said "Huni, come on lets go!?" in his boyishly gorgeous flirty voice that he uses on me when he wants to get something I already told him we couldnt afford. Lol
The dream, in its entirety, I cant seem to recall but the only part that stands out, and as Im writing this I can still envision, is the way his face lit up while he was co-ercing me to leave for a destination Im not to sure of either. But I sure did jump out of bed like he we were really heading out to somewhere nice only to be disappointed that it was a dream and my husband was yet to return from work. Boo :(
So when he got home this evening, I gave him an extra long kiss welcome home and told him how much I appreciate how he makes me feel like a million bucks regardless of how crappy my day was and how much I hate this state of Utah hehehe... yes folks, Im still on the I HATE UTAH wagon. I am, however, ever more in love with my husband, confidante and best friend, my Ben. I am eternally grateful to God for blessing me the honor of meeting, loving and marrying the one man in this whole entire universe who could love me, understand me, calm me, fulfil me and still make me go weak at the knees almost 9yrs after meeting him. I love you so soo soo much Ben!
A few weeks ago, Ben & I celebrated and honored his mother's life by participating in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Fundraiser Walk in Liberty Park, during our walk, Ben shared stories of how she was an amazing mother, sister, daughter, aunty and 
wife. Over the years, Ive often heard stories from the whole family about Ben's mother and with every memory Ive only wished I had had the chance to meet her, despite that I can only pray I'll be half as amazing as she was. Her battle with Breast Cancer ended in Nov 1998 and she will always be Loved, Honored and Remembered by ALL who's hearts she touched. The fundraising walk made for an emotional day and walking alongside other families honoring their loved ones and the amazing survivors was very inspirational, at one point we passed two ladies walking along hollering and yahooing about beating Breast Cancer and the smiles and joy radiating from them was so infectious that we couldnt help but holler and yahoo along with them! I know Ben misses his Mother daily and we celebrated her especially on October 9th during the walk. Rest In Love Momma Temukisa, we love you dearly... and from me to you a special thank you for granting me the honor of loving an equally amazing child of yours. He is the wonderful Man he is today because of the wonderful Mother you were.
The dream, in its entirety, I cant seem to recall but the only part that stands out, and as Im writing this I can still envision, is the way his face lit up while he was co-ercing me to leave for a destination Im not to sure of either. But I sure did jump out of bed like he we were really heading out to somewhere nice only to be disappointed that it was a dream and my husband was yet to return from work. Boo :(
So when he got home this evening, I gave him an extra long kiss welcome home and told him how much I appreciate how he makes me feel like a million bucks regardless of how crappy my day was and how much I hate this state of Utah hehehe... yes folks, Im still on the I HATE UTAH wagon. I am, however, ever more in love with my husband, confidante and best friend, my Ben. I am eternally grateful to God for blessing me the honor of meeting, loving and marrying the one man in this whole entire universe who could love me, understand me, calm me, fulfil me and still make me go weak at the knees almost 9yrs after meeting him. I love you so soo soo much Ben!
wife. Over the years, Ive often heard stories from the whole family about Ben's mother and with every memory Ive only wished I had had the chance to meet her, despite that I can only pray I'll be half as amazing as she was. Her battle with Breast Cancer ended in Nov 1998 and she will always be Loved, Honored and Remembered by ALL who's hearts she touched. The fundraising walk made for an emotional day and walking alongside other families honoring their loved ones and the amazing survivors was very inspirational, at one point we passed two ladies walking along hollering and yahooing about beating Breast Cancer and the smiles and joy radiating from them was so infectious that we couldnt help but holler and yahoo along with them! I know Ben misses his Mother daily and we celebrated her especially on October 9th during the walk. Rest In Love Momma Temukisa, we love you dearly... and from me to you a special thank you for granting me the honor of loving an equally amazing child of yours. He is the wonderful Man he is today because of the wonderful Mother you were. 
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Birthday smileys...
Theres nothing better than getting soo much love on your birthday, today I celebrate 33yrs of God's blessings. And he continues to shower me with those blessings through friends and family wishing me happiness and love today, in soo many ways. I am truly thankful.
Its been a not-soo nice past week but today's feelings make those feelings of unworth and sickly nerves seem like ... well nothing! I love the people God has blessed me with in my life, I need to remind myself that there are others who love me unconditionally and I need to show them I know and feel their love. And God is the number one person I need to make amends to, to thank him for blessing me with 33yrs of awesome lessons and teachings, love & hurt, kindness and unkindness because all of these make me the woman I am today. I am blessed by God's ALMIGHTY hand and no one has control over me but Him. Thank you Lord God, for moulding me into the person I am today. Into my Potters Hands I stay. I love you Lord. Thank you to all who sent their love and well wishes for today. YOU ARE ALL MY BLESSINGS!!
Its been a not-soo nice past week but today's feelings make those feelings of unworth and sickly nerves seem like ... well nothing! I love the people God has blessed me with in my life, I need to remind myself that there are others who love me unconditionally and I need to show them I know and feel their love. And God is the number one person I need to make amends to, to thank him for blessing me with 33yrs of awesome lessons and teachings, love & hurt, kindness and unkindness because all of these make me the woman I am today. I am blessed by God's ALMIGHTY hand and no one has control over me but Him. Thank you Lord God, for moulding me into the person I am today. Into my Potters Hands I stay. I love you Lord. Thank you to all who sent their love and well wishes for today. YOU ARE ALL MY BLESSINGS!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Unease
Today was horrible, I woke up with a gut wrenching feeling - all was not well, I dont know if its because Ive been without a cell since Friday, I doubt it tho, I dont feel lost without it but it did feel weird. So Im still not sure where the feeling came from or what it meant, especially since Ben & I had an awesome weekend, doing absolutely nothing but just spend time together so to start the week with an awful feeling soo wasnt cool. Work was horrible too, and there some drama on Facebook that I fully wish I didnt read! Im done with Drama, Im done with Utah, I guess Im just done!
Im praying that this feeling doesnt amount to anything. God Bless x
Im praying that this feeling doesnt amount to anything. God Bless x
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sept 2010 Update
Ok, so I guess a lil bit too much time has passed since my last post, well heres an update. Things are on the move with our next move, we are still soo very xcited and have started the ball rolling on the things that need to be done before leaving... the feeling of "if I had the money, we'd be leaving tomorrow" still lingers but the looming reality stench (lol) of "we have to save to get outta here" sticks & stinks! hehehe
Operation 2012 is ON HOLD as my darling BFF & Oper2012 partner, Sharn Is with CHILD... hehehe, woohooo Im sooo happy for them, it will be Sharn & C's first child together and Im soo happy to a doting aunty again and to being ON HOLD myself from Oper2012... yes, yes I know I could easily carry on by myself, but its not the same so Im taking 9mths off toohehehe, I just wont be delivering anything but myself (hopefully) to Sharns side when she has baby. Aunty & Uncle naturally cant wait to meet our newest lil bundle and Sharn & I are already talkin about where we're gonna take baby shopping (of course in terms of baby being a girl... naturally lol), our husbands on the other hands are discussings which College & NFL Football Team baby will be playing for BAHAHAHAHAHA... Boys!!!! lol
Operation OCC - Complete College is back on hold also, unfortunately, the school I had chosen decided to do a 360 on me after I had completed my Financial Aid forms. The first day was a nightmare, My Sociology class consisted of my tutor giving his opinion on the non-existance of God (oh no he didnt!!!), the Human Evolution (Big Bang Theory) and the stupidity of Religion and that (esp the first point) obviously didnt sit well with me so I gave my opinion and it turns out the tutor only wanted to share his opinion and NOT entertain anyone else's - Go Figure! We finished an hour early, so instead of letting us go on to start studying or homework, he made us watch one of His Favorite movies - Im still not sure how that fit into Sociology hmmm. So I promptly dropped out of His class and moved on to my IT class, where my Tutor there while outlining the necessary IT requirements for the class ended each sentence with; "only if you wanna, I mean I really dont stick to it, cause its really not that important, but whatever!" ... WOW!!! this is what Im paying $10,000 a year for??? Are you serious??? .. and so there ended the goal of completing college. And what a difference in attitude from the Staff I had too, the nice smiles and sweet talkin that occured during the Application Process turned to 3rd degree questioning as to why I was dropping out, no smiles and lo & behold... no goodbyes, I said Goobye & Thank You and I received an "U-huh!" in return... You're soo kind Strayer University! Im soo glad you're not a getting a single dime from me! Goodbye again! lol
As for Utah ... yeah, still cant stand the place! lol
And Ben & I, were doing well, the last few months have been a struggle trying to get everything sorted for the move and soo many things to plan & pay for - not for the move either grrrr. I am learning to be happy again, and Im kicking the depression in the butt, its not completely gone and I know it wont while we remain in Utah but Im not letting it control me and get me down. I only use Facebook now for games and birthday shoutouts, other than that I dont pay any mind to all the dramas & materialistic bullcrap and Ive downlisted my friends list from over 700 to under 200 loooooveee it, most of them were just nosey-parkers neway, those who remain on my page are mostly family and very close friends and those who are determined to have their dramas blasted on FB, just get hidden neway. I got Ben harvesting my farm on Farmville lol I swear he's the best Husband EVER!!! He's been my strongtower through this, despite all thats happened - Ive been soo blessed with him.
We just got back from California, which was a welcome relief away from Utah and sooo great to see the families & friends again but returning was a real damper tho! Oh well, heads down, bums up and get er done lol. We'll be outta here soon... oh please soon. Till next time, toodle doo. God Bless you All xox
Operation 2012 is ON HOLD as my darling BFF & Oper2012 partner, Sharn Is with CHILD... hehehe, woohooo Im sooo happy for them, it will be Sharn & C's first child together and Im soo happy to a doting aunty again and to being ON HOLD myself from Oper2012... yes, yes I know I could easily carry on by myself, but its not the same so Im taking 9mths off toohehehe, I just wont be delivering anything but myself (hopefully) to Sharns side when she has baby. Aunty & Uncle naturally cant wait to meet our newest lil bundle and Sharn & I are already talkin about where we're gonna take baby shopping (of course in terms of baby being a girl... naturally lol), our husbands on the other hands are discussings which College & NFL Football Team baby will be playing for BAHAHAHAHAHA... Boys!!!! lol
Operation OCC - Complete College is back on hold also, unfortunately, the school I had chosen decided to do a 360 on me after I had completed my Financial Aid forms. The first day was a nightmare, My Sociology class consisted of my tutor giving his opinion on the non-existance of God (oh no he didnt!!!), the Human Evolution (Big Bang Theory) and the stupidity of Religion and that (esp the first point) obviously didnt sit well with me so I gave my opinion and it turns out the tutor only wanted to share his opinion and NOT entertain anyone else's - Go Figure! We finished an hour early, so instead of letting us go on to start studying or homework, he made us watch one of His Favorite movies - Im still not sure how that fit into Sociology hmmm. So I promptly dropped out of His class and moved on to my IT class, where my Tutor there while outlining the necessary IT requirements for the class ended each sentence with; "only if you wanna, I mean I really dont stick to it, cause its really not that important, but whatever!" ... WOW!!! this is what Im paying $10,000 a year for??? Are you serious??? .. and so there ended the goal of completing college. And what a difference in attitude from the Staff I had too, the nice smiles and sweet talkin that occured during the Application Process turned to 3rd degree questioning as to why I was dropping out, no smiles and lo & behold... no goodbyes, I said Goobye & Thank You and I received an "U-huh!" in return... You're soo kind Strayer University! Im soo glad you're not a getting a single dime from me! Goodbye again! lol
As for Utah ... yeah, still cant stand the place! lol
And Ben & I, were doing well, the last few months have been a struggle trying to get everything sorted for the move and soo many things to plan & pay for - not for the move either grrrr. I am learning to be happy again, and Im kicking the depression in the butt, its not completely gone and I know it wont while we remain in Utah but Im not letting it control me and get me down. I only use Facebook now for games and birthday shoutouts, other than that I dont pay any mind to all the dramas & materialistic bullcrap and Ive downlisted my friends list from over 700 to under 200 loooooveee it, most of them were just nosey-parkers neway, those who remain on my page are mostly family and very close friends and those who are determined to have their dramas blasted on FB, just get hidden neway. I got Ben harvesting my farm on Farmville lol I swear he's the best Husband EVER!!! He's been my strongtower through this, despite all thats happened - Ive been soo blessed with him.
We just got back from California, which was a welcome relief away from Utah and sooo great to see the families & friends again but returning was a real damper tho! Oh well, heads down, bums up and get er done lol. We'll be outta here soon... oh please soon. Till next time, toodle doo. God Bless you All xox
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Going home...
Im not sure where I live right now, but it gets more and more alien the longer I stay here. For a long time I thought it was just me and my own feelings but after speaking to some non-Utahrians (or Utahn's - whatever!) it seems Im not alone. I feel like Im drowning here, I really do and I wish there was a lifeboat that would magically appear and take us away - anywhere!!
I finally realise that its not because Im homesick or the lingering winter-blues, its the fact that I just do not feel at home in Utah - and I do not like it here! The people are not friendly & very judgemental (bar a select few) and I wont start on the religion for fear of being disowned by my family. Not that I care as God is my ONLY judge and dont get me wrong, I love & respect my family very much - I just don't care too much for their choice of religion and the thing is, I never had a problem with the religion UNTIL I moved to Utah. I wont even waste my breathe arguing about it, this is all I will say - everyone is entitled to their beliefs - I'm entitled to mine so please dont feel the need to shove yours down my throat. Just because I live in Utah doesn't mean I'm up to be coverted but thanks for making me feel unwelcome when I decline the offer! Cheers Utah!
I will accept part of the homesickness though because I do miss my family, I hate that I havent been able to meet my new niece and nephews and I hate hate hate that no matter how hard we try, it seems we wont be able to afford to go home to visit. I dont understand how America is potrayed as one of the most Powerful & Richest countries in the world, when in true reality I feel poorer here than I did when we were growing up poor in NZ. Ive been poor most of my life, I felt rich at one time when I was, as they say, making bank lol but it was also during that time that I was also most greedy! In saying that I'd rather be poor, loved & happy than be rich, greedy and alone - and the unfortunate thing is, here in Utah - I am poor, I am loved but I am by far not happy. Our decision to leave Utah has been the happiest decision we've ever made - and I cannot wait. If we had the means, we'd be gone tomorrow!
Ive often wandered what God had planned for us moving here, and I see now that this was a test of faith and a test of love. Faith in Him that no matter where we go, he is OUR Driver and Love in Him because when we felt none he gave it ALL. Ben and I have been tested in both our faith & love, I left God's side for a while - too caught up in my depression, Ben stayed strong in his faith and pushed me along to be stronger and come back to church, God tested our love for each other and whether we would stay together and continue to make decisions as a couple despite what others said or suggested - and I truly feel that we've come a long way and that even though this journey in Utah is coming to an end, we know that there's an even longer road ahead with much more challenges - I am glad to be traveling this road with Ben. I always say this but its soo true, I am very thankful that God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband. Now I need to get right with God. Ha I feel like the prodigal daughter going home... and boy does it feel good to be going Home.
I finally realise that its not because Im homesick or the lingering winter-blues, its the fact that I just do not feel at home in Utah - and I do not like it here! The people are not friendly & very judgemental (bar a select few) and I wont start on the religion for fear of being disowned by my family. Not that I care as God is my ONLY judge and dont get me wrong, I love & respect my family very much - I just don't care too much for their choice of religion and the thing is, I never had a problem with the religion UNTIL I moved to Utah. I wont even waste my breathe arguing about it, this is all I will say - everyone is entitled to their beliefs - I'm entitled to mine so please dont feel the need to shove yours down my throat. Just because I live in Utah doesn't mean I'm up to be coverted but thanks for making me feel unwelcome when I decline the offer! Cheers Utah!
I will accept part of the homesickness though because I do miss my family, I hate that I havent been able to meet my new niece and nephews and I hate hate hate that no matter how hard we try, it seems we wont be able to afford to go home to visit. I dont understand how America is potrayed as one of the most Powerful & Richest countries in the world, when in true reality I feel poorer here than I did when we were growing up poor in NZ. Ive been poor most of my life, I felt rich at one time when I was, as they say, making bank lol but it was also during that time that I was also most greedy! In saying that I'd rather be poor, loved & happy than be rich, greedy and alone - and the unfortunate thing is, here in Utah - I am poor, I am loved but I am by far not happy. Our decision to leave Utah has been the happiest decision we've ever made - and I cannot wait. If we had the means, we'd be gone tomorrow!
Ive often wandered what God had planned for us moving here, and I see now that this was a test of faith and a test of love. Faith in Him that no matter where we go, he is OUR Driver and Love in Him because when we felt none he gave it ALL. Ben and I have been tested in both our faith & love, I left God's side for a while - too caught up in my depression, Ben stayed strong in his faith and pushed me along to be stronger and come back to church, God tested our love for each other and whether we would stay together and continue to make decisions as a couple despite what others said or suggested - and I truly feel that we've come a long way and that even though this journey in Utah is coming to an end, we know that there's an even longer road ahead with much more challenges - I am glad to be traveling this road with Ben. I always say this but its soo true, I am very thankful that God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband. Now I need to get right with God. Ha I feel like the prodigal daughter going home... and boy does it feel good to be going Home.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Emotions of Toy Story 3
I was warned that I might cry watching Toy Story 3 - I laughed at the thought that an animated kids movie would have me in tears, especially since it takes a real tear-jerker to get me to cry at the movies. To knowledge only two movies had done that, Mel Gibsons Passion of the Christ and Keanu's Reeves movie Devils Advocate - both times because it really hit home the hatred towards God and Christ and what he did for us... It hurt me spiritually, so in saying that I was surprised at how at the end of this animated kids movie I was in a heap on the floor bawling my eyes out. It wasnt spiritual by any means or an attack on my God, nor was it anything to do with the movie.. it was the pure emotions that came flooding out after watching the end of the movie and having a flashback of the feelings I had when I was saying goodbye to my friends and family at the Auckland Airport before leaving NZ 4 long years ago - It hurt me deep, it made me even more homesick and I just wanted my Mom to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be ok. It was horrible and a realization that Ive lived too long in this tragic enclosure of pain.
It also had to do with a conversation I had with hubby on the way home from work one day last week when he said it hurt him to see me soo unhappy and he wanted to know what to do about it. I couldnt answer him because I didnt know what to do with it. So because I couldnt humble myself to get on my knees and ask God to help me, I called one of my motherly figures from my church in California and boy did she put on the straight and narrow! I love her and I knew if anyone could she would (without actually doing it) slap me across the face, shake the mess out of me and kick my butt onto the right track. And I thank sister Mary for doing exactly that. So now, although Im still unhappy with where we are, were looking forward to plans set into place for us to get THERE and only God knows where THERE is.
We have come to the realization that Utah is most definitely NOT the right place for us, its a beautiful place but I have not been very happy with anything this place has to offer, and as well as that - the winters are far too long! hehehe I miss home and we are planning on relocating closer. Im happy and scared all at the same time, Im happy to be moving closer to my parents but scared for my husband being soo far away from his family. He is excited though and Im soo blessed to have an amazing husband willing to do all and everything to see me happy. I will do everything in my power to do the same for him. We are looking forward to the challenges up ahead with the relocation, unbelievably everything is already in place... Ben has a job waiting for him, we have a home in place and it wont take me long to find work as I have many friends willing to take us under their wings. Life is starting to look good again. We're done living life according to others and yes... this is our choice! I love it! We have a jam packed year ahead of us getting everything done before we leave, and seeing the people we need to see before leaving and we're (I cant say it enough) sooo excited!!
We are planning a trip to California in Sept for our nephews 1st person and Ben's sisters graduation, Ive been charged with the duty of making the invites and sending them out. We're excited about getting out of Utah for a little bit and to seeing our friends and family in California. We're also hoping to make a USC game this year also - if you've been watching ESPN you'll know the drama that Mr Reggie Bush has caused but we're still diehard USC fans - we'll get back up there lol, and hubby and I are also getting inked up this year by a very talented Samoan Tattooist, we also plan to visit Tennessee and Florida next year to visit Mum and Ben's brothers. Like I said - its gonna be a very busy year, maybe with all these "TO DO" things it wont be very long and the move will come up closer - Yay.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Crashing
Remember those days in your past where certain events in your life felt like the world was crashing down around you, where you didnt know where you were going, what you were doing, where you needed to be or who you needed to be... you know those "whats the meaning of life?" type days, well lately those type of days have become frequent (often daily) visitors. I try and talk myself out of the shell, explain the reasons behind it - possibly homesickness, lack of sun, high elevation, lack of money... but each time I give myself an explanation it seems to open that hole a little wider and bigger adding to my evergrowing confusion and bitterness.
Those moments back in the pasts, looking back at them now - dont seem so big with one of God's own miracles he shines a light on the correct path that I needed to follow. Right now, Im not on that path... in fact Im far off that path and the most hurtful thing of all is that if I dont get this down, I could easily drag another person down with me - and I refuse to let that happen. I need to get myself back, my friends need their gurl back, my family needs their sister, daughter and aunty back and dearest to my heart - I know my husband needs his wife back and man do I miss her. I miss being her, I miss knowing my place in this world and most importantly, knowing my place with GOD.
For now, this Blog journey ends here... we need to take some time out and walk through that valley, share some conversations with God, and seek only His guidance. Till we meet again at the end of that valley. God Bless and Soifua x
Those moments back in the pasts, looking back at them now - dont seem so big with one of God's own miracles he shines a light on the correct path that I needed to follow. Right now, Im not on that path... in fact Im far off that path and the most hurtful thing of all is that if I dont get this down, I could easily drag another person down with me - and I refuse to let that happen. I need to get myself back, my friends need their gurl back, my family needs their sister, daughter and aunty back and dearest to my heart - I know my husband needs his wife back and man do I miss her. I miss being her, I miss knowing my place in this world and most importantly, knowing my place with GOD.
For now, this Blog journey ends here... we need to take some time out and walk through that valley, share some conversations with God, and seek only His guidance. Till we meet again at the end of that valley. God Bless and Soifua x
Monday, April 19, 2010
April 19th, 2010
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me rest today Father God, thank you for easing my mind - especially with the countless things racing through it, I know you will handle it all better than I could ever imagine and you will deal with it accordingly and in Your Time. Thank you for guiding Ben to work and back home safely and above all Lord, thank you blessing us with another day to live and see your glorious beauty - all of which I saw today in the gorgeous day you made. I know Ive been complaining a lot about the weather - and I know that theres another storm brewing for us - on many levels, but I know you will see us through those storms, and come out victorious because of YOU. It was a beautiful day today Lord, and Im especially thankful that you kept the bees and wasps at bay - you know how much they scare me hehehe
Forgive me my trespasses today Lord, Im not perfect and I dont claim to be but there are some who think I do... Im sorry they feel that way, I dont have authority over them and I especially don't have authority over you - WHO AM I?? Lord, I seek your council on the matters of the heart Lord, you know our hearts desires and you know what's driving me crazy at the moment too - in all things I leave them in your clear and steady hands because mine are too unstable to hold such ordeals. I love you Lord, Im soo thankful that you have me in your grasp and that whatever may come my way - I know you have a Plan and an Order to this - You are in Control and the Driver in my lifes journey. You know Im trying to let go and I ask for your help in that. I give my ALL to you and I'll try not to take control of it again, I'll try.
Thank you for All you have blessed me with and Thank you for Living in me. Your presence in our home, our marriage and our families is felt all around. I love you Lord, thank you again for today. I love you always, Your daughter.
Thank you for giving me rest today Father God, thank you for easing my mind - especially with the countless things racing through it, I know you will handle it all better than I could ever imagine and you will deal with it accordingly and in Your Time. Thank you for guiding Ben to work and back home safely and above all Lord, thank you blessing us with another day to live and see your glorious beauty - all of which I saw today in the gorgeous day you made. I know Ive been complaining a lot about the weather - and I know that theres another storm brewing for us - on many levels, but I know you will see us through those storms, and come out victorious because of YOU. It was a beautiful day today Lord, and Im especially thankful that you kept the bees and wasps at bay - you know how much they scare me hehehe
Forgive me my trespasses today Lord, Im not perfect and I dont claim to be but there are some who think I do... Im sorry they feel that way, I dont have authority over them and I especially don't have authority over you - WHO AM I?? Lord, I seek your council on the matters of the heart Lord, you know our hearts desires and you know what's driving me crazy at the moment too - in all things I leave them in your clear and steady hands because mine are too unstable to hold such ordeals. I love you Lord, Im soo thankful that you have me in your grasp and that whatever may come my way - I know you have a Plan and an Order to this - You are in Control and the Driver in my lifes journey. You know Im trying to let go and I ask for your help in that. I give my ALL to you and I'll try not to take control of it again, I'll try.
Thank you for All you have blessed me with and Thank you for Living in me. Your presence in our home, our marriage and our families is felt all around. I love you Lord, thank you again for today. I love you always, Your daughter.
Letters to God
Today, Ben and I went to watch Letters to God... I didnt particularly feel like it only because I was in a pretty sour mood - earlier today I had been told some information regarding the distribution of a umm... rumor regarding myself and my husband, WOW!! we're special enough to have a rumor about us woohoo, I say that now but at the time it had gotten me all messed up, so I wasnt in the right state of mind to see a movie pertaining to God or Letters to Him.. I just wanted to have this moment to gripe & complain, without asking God to calm me down, without having to forgive the person/s who started this rumor - I wanted to sit in a corner and sulk but Ben dragged me along anyway... and this movie gave me the perfect idea for my blog - ... I dont know if anyone else is doing this on Blogspot or in the World Wide Web - but I say if I need to be more prayerful - WHY NOT do it while Im blogging - Im going to write my own Letters to God! Im slowly coming to grips with this rumor thing, it still hurts - especially since its family that started said rumor - but I know I live my life according to HIS Will and not theirs so - their judgement and backstabbing will not affect how we live, and the decisions we make. WE LOVED THE MOVIE TOO BTW lol I almost forgot to tell you how we liked the movie. So here begins my Letters to God:
Dear God,
You know my hearts desires and the things that weigh heavy on it also - if it pleases you Lord, grant me those desires and heal me of this heavy burden. I pray for those who speak ill against us Lord, I pray that you grant me the strength to see past this and continue to love them. Lord, Thank you soo much for my husband, thank you for blessing me with a wonderful man who's one wish is to make sure Im happy, this man who backs me up regardless of what comes our way and supports me no matter what others do or say to him. I love him Lord and pray you bless him with all He needs, bless him with Health Lord and Thank you once more for him.
Collectively, we thank you for our parents, our brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and for our entire families and network of friends - those who have come into our lives and showed us love and support and those who continue to do so today. Thank you for sooo much in my life Lord, I am not worthy of the substantial Love you shower me with - day in and day out - regardless of how I treat you. Forgive me Lord for my inequities and misgivings, forgive me for my wrong-doings to others and the ill things that come out of my mouth and even those that remain in my head. I know that through Christ All Things are Possible and I know that sometimes I loose track of that - but I continue to work at it Lord, I thank you and Love you and Thank you again and again for Loving Us.
For all that you have done for me, blessed me with and lovingly shown me - I am soo truly thankful. I love you always, your daughter xox Ria
Dear God,
You know my hearts desires and the things that weigh heavy on it also - if it pleases you Lord, grant me those desires and heal me of this heavy burden. I pray for those who speak ill against us Lord, I pray that you grant me the strength to see past this and continue to love them. Lord, Thank you soo much for my husband, thank you for blessing me with a wonderful man who's one wish is to make sure Im happy, this man who backs me up regardless of what comes our way and supports me no matter what others do or say to him. I love him Lord and pray you bless him with all He needs, bless him with Health Lord and Thank you once more for him.
Collectively, we thank you for our parents, our brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and for our entire families and network of friends - those who have come into our lives and showed us love and support and those who continue to do so today. Thank you for sooo much in my life Lord, I am not worthy of the substantial Love you shower me with - day in and day out - regardless of how I treat you. Forgive me Lord for my inequities and misgivings, forgive me for my wrong-doings to others and the ill things that come out of my mouth and even those that remain in my head. I know that through Christ All Things are Possible and I know that sometimes I loose track of that - but I continue to work at it Lord, I thank you and Love you and Thank you again and again for Loving Us.
For all that you have done for me, blessed me with and lovingly shown me - I am soo truly thankful. I love you always, your daughter xox Ria
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Looking Up
Today I read Jonathan Dow's "The Listening Well" , and what an awesome reminder this was.
All too often, we are soo busy looking down watching where were going, or looking ahead to the future of what we want to achieve or gain, or even looking behind us to see where we've been or whats chasing us, we get soo caught up in life that we let it overcome us and start to drag us down, and to top it off we look to other people, places or things to keep our mind from going crazy and furthermore we tell ourselves that we're doing this in order to Live the Dream or Live the Life. When in actual fact what we need to do is Look Up and Seek Him, Seek God, Seek HIS Will in my Life.
My blog is called Seeking My Salvation - and unfortunately, I havent done that. I lost myself along the way, I got caught up looking ahead, looking down, to the sides and looking back that I forgot to Look Up. I know from reading my last few posts that Ive been in a darkness but even though I know this wasnt as dark as the dark I once was in, it was getting closer... Ive noticed this in the relationships I keep, the things I read & watch and the things that come out of my mouth. Lord, please forgive me... help me to find my way back to You and Seeking you and Your Kingdom.
All too often, we are soo busy looking down watching where were going, or looking ahead to the future of what we want to achieve or gain, or even looking behind us to see where we've been or whats chasing us, we get soo caught up in life that we let it overcome us and start to drag us down, and to top it off we look to other people, places or things to keep our mind from going crazy and furthermore we tell ourselves that we're doing this in order to Live the Dream or Live the Life. When in actual fact what we need to do is Look Up and Seek Him, Seek God, Seek HIS Will in my Life.
My blog is called Seeking My Salvation - and unfortunately, I havent done that. I lost myself along the way, I got caught up looking ahead, looking down, to the sides and looking back that I forgot to Look Up. I know from reading my last few posts that Ive been in a darkness but even though I know this wasnt as dark as the dark I once was in, it was getting closer... Ive noticed this in the relationships I keep, the things I read & watch and the things that come out of my mouth. Lord, please forgive me... help me to find my way back to You and Seeking you and Your Kingdom.
Lately, Ive had to make some re-arrangements in my life... there were things I recently made decisions on that were based on what others would think of me or approve of me doing, things to better the viewpoint of others about me. I need for that to end, one of those decisions was the termination of Project OCC - Operation Complete College. I am not in anyway saying that Education is not important, it is very important.. but the Education I need to seek right now is the Education of God in my Life. I haven't been happy lately, and I dont want this unhappiness to continue. And NO... this has nothing to do with my marriage, that is still an enjoyment and a blessing in my life - I am truly thankful for a wonderful & caring husband, we're not perfect but hes my blessing. However, other drama filled relationships will cease, I refuse it in my life, and I refuse to let it drag me down. I am ripping that last piece of paper and sending it down the Listening Well, because from now on... I LOOK UP!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Seed of Offence
Todays day started off great, had a great catch up and an awesome laugh with Sharn about Oper2012 - then had a korero (Maori for talk, chinwag, chit chat) with Dee but as high as those notes were it ended very sour, Ive had a seed of offence (similar to a seed of doubt - except its not doubt, rather being offended) planted... and I dont know how to figure this one out or deal with it - right now Im not doing a very good job with it.
I know that God has planned this for a lesson learnt and im trying to see it, Lord Humble me to see Through Your Eyes, I lift this person in prayer and Thank you for bringing them into my life, I ask you to show me what it is Im to learn from them or if I'm to teach... take my mouth and voice and use it for Your Will. I need to pray on this one for a bit, cos Ive tried to write this blog entry three times now and all three times Ive sounded very angry... the seed of offence still has roots and Im working at digging those out. I plan to live my life without planting more weeds in My Garden. Lord grant me the patience, serenity and kindness to do YOUR WILL. I love you Lord Jesus xox
I know that God has planned this for a lesson learnt and im trying to see it, Lord Humble me to see Through Your Eyes, I lift this person in prayer and Thank you for bringing them into my life, I ask you to show me what it is Im to learn from them or if I'm to teach... take my mouth and voice and use it for Your Will. I need to pray on this one for a bit, cos Ive tried to write this blog entry three times now and all three times Ive sounded very angry... the seed of offence still has roots and Im working at digging those out. I plan to live my life without planting more weeds in My Garden. Lord grant me the patience, serenity and kindness to do YOUR WILL. I love you Lord Jesus xox
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Blizzards & Crazy Drivers
Ok so it wasnt a blizzard.. but when you've never driven in snowinglikecrazyicantseeathinginfrontofme weather.. its SCARY! And to top it off, I was the only one driving according to the conditions... apparently most people in Utah, upon the sight of snow, decide this is the ideal time to practice speed-racing. Driving home from school last night was not fun. But All Glory to God, I made it safely home and in One piece. Take that you crazy drivers.
On a much uplifting tone - Yesterday marked the beginning of a couple of self-projects:
1. Operation Complete College (OCC) and
2. Operation 2012 (Oper12).
As told in a my previous blog, Im back at Uni in order to complete what I started in NZ - this is now called OCC, and thats the explanation of that lol.
Oper12 however, was born from a Sat night discussion with my girlfriend Sharn regarding our recent weight-Gain over Xmas and ... ummm ok before that too lol, after weighing out the pros and cons lol ideal weights were decided, actionplans planned, timeframes given and our goal reward - a 2012 Reunion - agreed upon. Sharn & I met at college in NZ many moons ago, we were inseparable right up until we both made the move overseas with our husbands - she to Australia and I to America, we've not seen each other since 2007 (at my sisters wedding) but we talk very frequently - Comcast loves me for that. So we're on track to start diet-diary emailing, and together (with our spouses) we're going to shed our extra selves lol.
God blessed me with a temple, I have to look after and maintain it - and so, yet a new chapter(s) in this long journey begins. God Bless you all with your goals and achievements this week, month and year.
On a much uplifting tone - Yesterday marked the beginning of a couple of self-projects:
1. Operation Complete College (OCC) and
2. Operation 2012 (Oper12).
As told in a my previous blog, Im back at Uni in order to complete what I started in NZ - this is now called OCC, and thats the explanation of that lol.
Oper12 however, was born from a Sat night discussion with my girlfriend Sharn regarding our recent weight-Gain over Xmas and ... ummm ok before that too lol, after weighing out the pros and cons lol ideal weights were decided, actionplans planned, timeframes given and our goal reward - a 2012 Reunion - agreed upon. Sharn & I met at college in NZ many moons ago, we were inseparable right up until we both made the move overseas with our husbands - she to Australia and I to America, we've not seen each other since 2007 (at my sisters wedding) but we talk very frequently - Comcast loves me for that. So we're on track to start diet-diary emailing, and together (with our spouses) we're going to shed our extra selves lol.
SO WATCH THIS SPACE...Btw, Im not game enough to post a Biggest Looser Before photo (save your eyes the trauma lol) but I will post along the way how were doing. Heres a flick to have a giggle at tho. It made me laugh, I think I might use it as our motivator hehe.
God blessed me with a temple, I have to look after and maintain it - and so, yet a new chapter(s) in this long journey begins. God Bless you all with your goals and achievements this week, month and year.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
THANK YOU...
JESUS for being obedient and coming down when your Father asked you to come and die on the cross for my sins, when asked how much you loved us - you spread your arms out and died. I LOVE YOU JESUS
GOD for sending your one and only, one of a kind, perfectly created Son to witness to us your love and desire to have us close to You - Im coming home.
Sometimes I sit and wander ... Who am I? that He would willingly and lovingly do ALL THIS for me.
"Jesus, Remember me when you come in to Your Kingdom" Luke 23:42
HAPPY EASTER & THANK YOU FATHER GOD, THANK YOU LORD JESUS
GOD for sending your one and only, one of a kind, perfectly created Son to witness to us your love and desire to have us close to You - Im coming home.
Sometimes I sit and wander ... Who am I? that He would willingly and lovingly do ALL THIS for me.
"Jesus, Remember me when you come in to Your Kingdom" Luke 23:42
HAPPY EASTER & THANK YOU FATHER GOD, THANK YOU LORD JESUS
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thank you ACE - New Zealand
Wooohooo, today I had Orientation for college - I am officially (for the second time in my lifetime lol) a College Student, I never mentioned it earlier because it didnt really sink in that I was going back to college until I completed Orientation today. I've always wanted to go back to school to complete college but only if I could find something I really enjoyed and could possibly be my passion - unlike some people, I still havent found my passion - someday (maybe during this semester) I will find this passion or at least move towards it, till then I'll just have to do my best and learn something new along the way.
A couple of years ago I had the chance to start college again while we were living in California, unfortunately the discounted fee of $25 per class was only valid to CA residence of 2yrs or more, we had just moved to California so we didnt qualify and because of my temporary status with my Green Card I didnt think I would qualify for Financial Aid or any Student Loan - well 2vyears after that we were making the move to Utah so it worked out after all, and since moving to Utah, completing college had dropped off my To-Do list, until one day hubby and I were talking and he said something about me going back to school - (sidenote: the fact that my husband brought this up in the first place is one thing, but what amazes me is he brought it up after he had been laid off and been unsuccesful at finding work in almost 2mths - thank you Lord for using my husband, thank you for my husband)... So I truly believed that this was the time for me to do this. I started thinking about what I wanted to study - and after changing my mind almost 500x - I did my research on which Uni would be best for me, I called around and emailed requests and together we went through countless brochures and booklets and looked at the pros and cons of each school. Finally we decided on a Uni that was more for Adult Professionals - so I can still work and study part time. So in the process of getting my application in and applying for Financial Aid, I started to bug hubby about him going back to school too and doing some study of his own... lol well after a long and heated (mostly on my side) discussion about him not being a pilot, fire-fighter or whatever other life threatening job that could possibly take him away from me for long extended periods - we decided it was better if we just started with me first hehehe Baby Steps.
The only thing that held me back was a little thing called a "transcript" - since this was not my first time as a college student, I was asked to obtain my transcript from my last college - ACE - this is a fairly easy task, the problem was - the last time I was in college... I was reallyyy in college, I lived the boozer college student life, I drank the college spirit - I literally could not remember whole days, months or even what classes I took and I knew my transcipt would be, if anything, just a slap in the face and a reminder of days long forgotten (BUT FORGIVEN)
Im soo very thankful that we serve a God of Second Chances and New Beginnings. Thank you Lord Jesus, go before me Father God and light my way - a Million thank yous. I love you x
A couple of years ago I had the chance to start college again while we were living in California, unfortunately the discounted fee of $25 per class was only valid to CA residence of 2yrs or more, we had just moved to California so we didnt qualify and because of my temporary status with my Green Card I didnt think I would qualify for Financial Aid or any Student Loan - well 2vyears after that we were making the move to Utah so it worked out after all, and since moving to Utah, completing college had dropped off my To-Do list, until one day hubby and I were talking and he said something about me going back to school - (sidenote: the fact that my husband brought this up in the first place is one thing, but what amazes me is he brought it up after he had been laid off and been unsuccesful at finding work in almost 2mths - thank you Lord for using my husband, thank you for my husband)... So I truly believed that this was the time for me to do this. I started thinking about what I wanted to study - and after changing my mind almost 500x - I did my research on which Uni would be best for me, I called around and emailed requests and together we went through countless brochures and booklets and looked at the pros and cons of each school. Finally we decided on a Uni that was more for Adult Professionals - so I can still work and study part time. So in the process of getting my application in and applying for Financial Aid, I started to bug hubby about him going back to school too and doing some study of his own... lol well after a long and heated (mostly on my side) discussion about him not being a pilot, fire-fighter or whatever other life threatening job that could possibly take him away from me for long extended periods - we decided it was better if we just started with me first hehehe Baby Steps.
The only thing that held me back was a little thing called a "transcript" - since this was not my first time as a college student, I was asked to obtain my transcript from my last college - ACE - this is a fairly easy task, the problem was - the last time I was in college... I was reallyyy in college, I lived the boozer college student life, I drank the college spirit - I literally could not remember whole days, months or even what classes I took and I knew my transcipt would be, if anything, just a slap in the face and a reminder of days long forgotten (BUT FORGIVEN) Well, I got my transcript back, and it was extremely horrible and just proof of how naughty (and reckless) I was back then, but it was enough to humble me and to hit home the realization that his time I had to do this right and with commitment. Isnt God AMAZING how he uses little things like college transcripts to remind you not to go back down that same destructive path. And needless to say, as bad as my transcript was - it was enough to give me enough credits to start this year as a sophmore - YAY!!! THANK YOU ACE!!
Sooo... today it began, I have my books & my class schedule and tomorrow I'm stationary shopping - Im soo excited about all the possibilities that will open up and scared of those same possibilities all at the same time - something I now realise I didnt feel either of when I first started college all those years ago.Im soo very thankful that we serve a God of Second Chances and New Beginnings. Thank you Lord Jesus, go before me Father God and light my way - a Million thank yous. I love you x
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Workplace Humor
This month I was made Employee of the Month at my work. It was both an honor and a shock, firstly because I didnt even know that we had an Employee of the Month award, apparently its a new thing at work and I was the first person to get it and secondly, I felt that there are soo many other deserving colleagues who could easily have gotten it. I am truly thankful to those who chose me for this award and humbled to know that I am looked upon by my colleagues with respect of this achievement.
A couple of funny stories follow from my getting such an achievement. I seem to be getting quite a bit of slack from my colleagues now if I mess up. Firstly, I now have the duty of writing up workschedules and at the bottom of the March schedules I jokingly wrote ~No one allowed to be sick ~ As Murphy's Law would have it, on the very first day of March, who should call in sick?.. none other than Yours truly HAHAHAHA. Ironcally, on that day in Feb when I posted the March Schedule on the Notice board, a colleagues had commented that the schedule should actually read everyone but myself wasnt allowed to get sick, to which I rather confidently retalliated... "Umm Whatever, I never call in sick!!! so there" and I'll be damned if it wasnt her that I was scheduled to work with that fateful 1st day of March. Lesson learnt : Never make cheeky remarks when writing work schedules. Lol
And just yesterday, yet another colleague returned an incomplete folder to me, advising a form was missing - thats ok its easily forgotten and easily corrected, and he was on his jolly way in no time. Not even 5mins later, the same colleague was back with yet another folder and another missing form - not able to blame anyone else since I was the only person working the front desk, I apologised again and completed the folder and form, but another 5mins later - that same colleague returned with a 3rd folder. I looked up, slumped my shoulders and said "What now?" to which he replied, "Do I really need to show you how to do your job?"... followed by... "I need to tell you that since receiving Employee of the Month, your work standards has been lacking quite a bit" hahahaha his teasing continued with laughter from my other (supportive hmmm) colleagues with threats of a recount, and demotion until the 3rd folder had been corrected. About 30mins later, he returned and gave me the form I had completed and another form exactly the same without my rushed handwriting, and said "Here, I dont need this form, I had one already, I just wanted to see you squirm" and ran away laughing. Lesson learnt: Mess up once, Shame on me, Mess up twice... Shame on me again, Mess up 3x... I asked for it!! lol
I am soo thankful to be blessed with, not just a job in these economically unstable times, but a job with truly amazing down to earth and fun people, yes we all have our imperfections but when you look for the worst in people, you'll no doubt find it, thankfully I work with people that openly say "I love you" and truly care about your wellbeing and just enjoy working. I pray everyone gets to work with people as amazing as I do, and to experience what working with a GREAT attitude is. My mother always taught me to give everything I do - 110%, and do it with genuine character and love - that is my Work Standard. Thank you Mum, and Thank you Lord for blessing me with ALL that I have.
Its 0409am. I couldnt sleep, so I figured I would update my blog, and now with peace in my heart I'm heading off to bed hehe. God Bless and Goodnite err I mean Good morning.
And just yesterday, yet another colleague returned an incomplete folder to me, advising a form was missing - thats ok its easily forgotten and easily corrected, and he was on his jolly way in no time. Not even 5mins later, the same colleague was back with yet another folder and another missing form - not able to blame anyone else since I was the only person working the front desk, I apologised again and completed the folder and form, but another 5mins later - that same colleague returned with a 3rd folder. I looked up, slumped my shoulders and said "What now?" to which he replied, "Do I really need to show you how to do your job?"... followed by... "I need to tell you that since receiving Employee of the Month, your work standards has been lacking quite a bit" hahahaha his teasing continued with laughter from my other (supportive hmmm) colleagues with threats of a recount, and demotion until the 3rd folder had been corrected. About 30mins later, he returned and gave me the form I had completed and another form exactly the same without my rushed handwriting, and said "Here, I dont need this form, I had one already, I just wanted to see you squirm" and ran away laughing. Lesson learnt: Mess up once, Shame on me, Mess up twice... Shame on me again, Mess up 3x... I asked for it!! lol
I am soo thankful to be blessed with, not just a job in these economically unstable times, but a job with truly amazing down to earth and fun people, yes we all have our imperfections but when you look for the worst in people, you'll no doubt find it, thankfully I work with people that openly say "I love you" and truly care about your wellbeing and just enjoy working. I pray everyone gets to work with people as amazing as I do, and to experience what working with a GREAT attitude is. My mother always taught me to give everything I do - 110%, and do it with genuine character and love - that is my Work Standard. Thank you Mum, and Thank you Lord for blessing me with ALL that I have.
Its 0409am. I couldnt sleep, so I figured I would update my blog, and now with peace in my heart I'm heading off to bed hehe. God Bless and Goodnite err I mean Good morning.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Where are you Spring?
Did someone forget to tell the weather that it is officially Spring? The first official day (Sat 20th March) and the day thereafter were amongst the most beautiful days I had ever seen since the beginning of October... unfortunately, thats where those beautiful days ended. Tonight we're expecting snow and continuing on through to the weekend... WHAT???
Who am I to tell the weather what I want it to do? But it would be soo nice if Spring was spring and not just a late winter hehe. Its days like those 1st two days of Spring that I remember being home in NZ and the countless things we used to do together with the whole family, go for walks, spring clean (ugh) and play at the park... or sneak away just by myself to the airport lookout and watch the planes come in and leave - thinking about Ben and how far away he was and then missing him even more. Now I stand outside my porch and watch the planes fly over and think about one day getting back on that plane to visit home... I'm still undecided about whether we're going to move back there or not. For now, we'll wait on the Lord, all I do know is that Im seriously homesick and believe it or not, I think my husband feels the same way too hehehe. Maybe I can still make a Kiwi outta him. Neway, for now Im gonna leave this blog with a prayer to my Father Above to send back those beautiful spring days, to bless those around us - our families and friends and to see into our hearts and supply according to his Will. Have a Beautiful day and God's Love and Glory be upon you and your families x
Who am I to tell the weather what I want it to do? But it would be soo nice if Spring was spring and not just a late winter hehe. Its days like those 1st two days of Spring that I remember being home in NZ and the countless things we used to do together with the whole family, go for walks, spring clean (ugh) and play at the park... or sneak away just by myself to the airport lookout and watch the planes come in and leave - thinking about Ben and how far away he was and then missing him even more. Now I stand outside my porch and watch the planes fly over and think about one day getting back on that plane to visit home... I'm still undecided about whether we're going to move back there or not. For now, we'll wait on the Lord, all I do know is that Im seriously homesick and believe it or not, I think my husband feels the same way too hehehe. Maybe I can still make a Kiwi outta him. Neway, for now Im gonna leave this blog with a prayer to my Father Above to send back those beautiful spring days, to bless those around us - our families and friends and to see into our hearts and supply according to his Will. Have a Beautiful day and God's Love and Glory be upon you and your families x
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I wonder why?
A conversation with a very good friend recently lead to our blogs and lack of updates - it became apparent to both of us that we hadnt been as diligent to our blogs as we once were with our Diaries as teenagers. I remember getting a new diary every year and using every single page, I had a lot to say back then, both on paper and in person, this has all changed somehow... what happened?
Have I had enough of people asking what accent I have that I refuse to talk now?, or Have I surrounded myself with enough depressed & drama-filled people to suck the life out of me? Or maybe enduring my first White Winter in Utah has given me a very bad case of Winter Blues? ... Or (and I think this is the winner...) Maybe Im Homesick? Whatever it is, it ends here. I will update as often as I can possibly update.......
..... but right now Ive got work to do BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Morningside for Life. I miss New Zealand.
Have I had enough of people asking what accent I have that I refuse to talk now?, or Have I surrounded myself with enough depressed & drama-filled people to suck the life out of me? Or maybe enduring my first White Winter in Utah has given me a very bad case of Winter Blues? ... Or (and I think this is the winner...) Maybe Im Homesick? Whatever it is, it ends here. I will update as often as I can possibly update.......
..... but right now Ive got work to do BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Morningside for Life. I miss New Zealand.
March Madness
Ive lived in America for almost 4yrs now - of which we've lived in 3 different states lol - so Ive often heard the term "March Madness" being thrown around when it came to College Sports but never knew what it was or pertained to - well thanks to hubby I have now been enlightened and yes... Its of no importance to me whatsoever hehehe.
So Im going to blog about my own March Madness... In my family March is very important - its the second most birthdays in our family (NZ wise), October is the Foremost important (cause its my birthday lol) and since marrying Ben, it turns out March (and funnily ... October) are also important dates with May topping out as the most birthdays.
With that, its a Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to Sister Shirl (3rd), Brother Eli (22nd), Nephew Siah (24), Cuzn's Lance (8th), Uso (16th), Nessa (23rd) and Ikester (26th) and most importantly Granma Mau (20th).
Because of the latter, hubby travelled to AZ to celebrate Granma Mau's 80th, with a pit-stop in Vegas to spend some time with his brothers and sisters and their kids... I had to work so I stayed behind, Id like to say I was strong and managed but I was bored and missed hubby terribly. Since I moved to America it has always been me leaving and never vice versa, this change was not very well met - but I dealt with it. And He returned to me with stories of fun, family parties and emergencies.. it seems with the high that was Granma's 80th, when it came time to say their goodbyes it was all too much for Gamma, and they had to rush her to ER. Many returned home after seeing her at the hospital, and we've been prayerful since then. All Glory to God, she (as of today) is no longer in the ICU. She still has to stay at the hospital and the girls in AZ have organized a schedule so she is never alone - WHAT AN AWESOME FAMILY!!
Thank you abundantly for being with me night and day while Ben was away - and keeping him safe on his travels. LORD, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME!
So Im going to blog about my own March Madness... In my family March is very important - its the second most birthdays in our family (NZ wise), October is the Foremost important (cause its my birthday lol) and since marrying Ben, it turns out March (and funnily ... October) are also important dates with May topping out as the most birthdays.
With that, its a Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to Sister Shirl (3rd), Brother Eli (22nd), Nephew Siah (24), Cuzn's Lance (8th), Uso (16th), Nessa (23rd) and Ikester (26th) and most importantly Granma Mau (20th).
Because of the latter, hubby travelled to AZ to celebrate Granma Mau's 80th, with a pit-stop in Vegas to spend some time with his brothers and sisters and their kids... I had to work so I stayed behind, Id like to say I was strong and managed but I was bored and missed hubby terribly. Since I moved to America it has always been me leaving and never vice versa, this change was not very well met - but I dealt with it. And He returned to me with stories of fun, family parties and emergencies.. it seems with the high that was Granma's 80th, when it came time to say their goodbyes it was all too much for Gamma, and they had to rush her to ER. Many returned home after seeing her at the hospital, and we've been prayerful since then. All Glory to God, she (as of today) is no longer in the ICU. She still has to stay at the hospital and the girls in AZ have organized a schedule so she is never alone - WHAT AN AWESOME FAMILY!! Ben with his brothers, sisters, nieces and nephew at ER visiting Grandma the day after her 80th birthday.
We keep you in prayers Granma, and I send a prayer up for all the family members, mine and hubby's, who are ailing in poor health or hurting joints. Father God, your Healing Hands touch them and give them comfort. I love you and thank you for Granma's 80yrs and for your Loving touch over our families.
Above Left: P. Family Boys/ Above Right: P Family Girls 
Above Left: Ben with his brothers Nee & Ray/ Above Right: Ben with his cuzn's & nephews
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Apologies..
I just watched this video on Youtube; 10 Things You Need to Know about Samoa and I felt compelled to write and apologise to the poor guy who uploaded the video because of all the rude comments left on his page. So I wrote and apologised to him for having to read what some small-minded idiots claiming so-called pride in their country had to say by posting replies with trash-talk & profanity - profanity which ironically isn't accepted in Samoa either, so not only are they small-minded idiots but they are disgraceful Samoans as well. Im especially disgusted at how easily the swearing comes to kids now, Im not claiming "angelic divinity" of any sort by the way - Ive been down that road but it just seems to me that with the technology available today to our kids, their use of ...err colourful vocab seems to start a lot younger than normal - am I wrong?
Unfortunately, nowadays, when you can hide behind a computer and say whatever trash pops into your head... the negative seems to come through much louder than the positive. I was glad to see that some Samoans did come through and say they enjoyed it, and I too enjoyed it. We always claim to be victims when another culture does not understand us, but yet get offended when they make the effort to understand, and isn't if funny how we can poke fun and even say some very offensive stuff to each other as long as its within our own culture, but if someone of another race tries to do the same thing - its OFFENSIVE and we end up doing some kind of Protest March for it. Hmm...
Do we not teach our older kids to lead their younger siblings by example? Aren't we, as parents, teachers, older members of the families & communities, suppose to lead by that same example? So why is it that we get all loud and defensive when someone tries to embrace our culture and learn something from us - Greedy much? I realise this doesnt just pertain to this particular video but to all cultures on earth, a friend of mine posted a very cool saying as their Facebook Update today - I want to share it with you because I think it matches what Ive been blogging about.
Unfortunately, nowadays, when you can hide behind a computer and say whatever trash pops into your head... the negative seems to come through much louder than the positive. I was glad to see that some Samoans did come through and say they enjoyed it, and I too enjoyed it. We always claim to be victims when another culture does not understand us, but yet get offended when they make the effort to understand, and isn't if funny how we can poke fun and even say some very offensive stuff to each other as long as its within our own culture, but if someone of another race tries to do the same thing - its OFFENSIVE and we end up doing some kind of Protest March for it. Hmm...
Do we not teach our older kids to lead their younger siblings by example? Aren't we, as parents, teachers, older members of the families & communities, suppose to lead by that same example? So why is it that we get all loud and defensive when someone tries to embrace our culture and learn something from us - Greedy much? I realise this doesnt just pertain to this particular video but to all cultures on earth, a friend of mine posted a very cool saying as their Facebook Update today - I want to share it with you because I think it matches what Ive been blogging about.
Heavenly Father, please help us set our hearts right, our families in order, our nation and world in peace. In that order and by your Grace & Power, Amen. Be Blessed xTo put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right. Confucius
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Over it...
I refuse to listen to another person claiming they know the world is ending in 2012 (not because of the movie but because the world is getting crazier and people more desperate).... Give me strength!!
Do you really think that just because you misused your credit cards and got loans out that werent really needed because you wanted this and that and Yes before the economic crisis you were able to easily get those things, but now that the loan sharks are bitting at your heels and you dont have the money to pay them or the bank back, that the world is coming to an end and that people are more desperate? I think its here that the question of Wants vs Needs comes into play, those in denial however will claim otherwise... my solution? Live by your Means and Be Grateful for what you've been blessed with. Just because you dont get your Wants because your Needs are of more importance, that does not mean the world is ending.... or that people are getting desperate purely because of the outcome of your financial situation.
An economic crisis is needed every now and then to humble those with heads that have gotten just a tad bit enlarged and needing grounding. HAHAHAHA God sure does have a sense of humor! God Bless xo
Do you really think that just because you misused your credit cards and got loans out that werent really needed because you wanted this and that and Yes before the economic crisis you were able to easily get those things, but now that the loan sharks are bitting at your heels and you dont have the money to pay them or the bank back, that the world is coming to an end and that people are more desperate? I think its here that the question of Wants vs Needs comes into play, those in denial however will claim otherwise... my solution? Live by your Means and Be Grateful for what you've been blessed with. Just because you dont get your Wants because your Needs are of more importance, that does not mean the world is ending.... or that people are getting desperate purely because of the outcome of your financial situation.
An economic crisis is needed every now and then to humble those with heads that have gotten just a tad bit enlarged and needing grounding. HAHAHAHA God sure does have a sense of humor! God Bless xo
Sunday, January 17, 2010
2010: Goliath vs David
This blog entry will be more of a prayer than it will be an entry. A prayer that I know God will answer.. in His time. Biologically considering, and with those two words I know God already knows my heart and my heart's desire. Thank you Jesus for loving us regardless, with blessing me with a wonderful husband and loving family - near and far, bless them in all that they need and all they require.
The beginning of 2010 has been somewhat bitter-sweet, we've met Goliath head on in some matters of the heart - despite these moments, hubby and I have kept the faith of David and seen through it with God's love and blessings - with God all things are possible.
God you are soo Good.
The beginning of 2010 has been somewhat bitter-sweet, we've met Goliath head on in some matters of the heart - despite these moments, hubby and I have kept the faith of David and seen through it with God's love and blessings - with God all things are possible.
God you are soo Good.
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