Letting Go

Uggh, my head feels like its going to explode! I'm soo stressed out it almost makes me wanna vomit. 

So its taken a whopping 1MONTH and 10 DAYS into 2012 for me to attempt to try and take back control that I had just relinquished to God at the end of 2011, and even now (as I refer to my exploding head) I'm grasping at what little control I can get my grubby fingers on... silently, although it feels like Im screaming in my head, I'm arguing with and begging God to let me take back my control - despite the fact that I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to fix this problem.  I still want to try and get it back. 

Wasn't it just 6days ago that Pastor had spoken about trying to be in control when we were born with a driver.  Oh Lord,Why was I given such a huge dosage of "Control Freak" in my DNA? Why am I still looking for the mustard seed to find the faith I need to keep in it? How come I'm asking for my problems back when I don't even have a solution? What is wrong with me?? Lord God, I don't want it back, I really don't, I just wish I knew what it was you wanted me to do about it? Absolutely Nothing?... But I dont know how to do that, I need to know how this is going to work.  Trust You? God I can't even trust my stomach not to bring up what food I had today, I'm soo freaked out! .... Hello? ..... God? ***sigh*** Ok Fine!! I'm gonna leave it then, but Lord I need you to know that I'm freaking out right now, not knowing what, when, how this is going to happen makes the control freak in me fight even more, and this is how I've lived for many many years.  I may talk the talk but Im still learning to walk the walk Lord, please be patient with me and help this weakling child crying at your feet to HEAR YOUR VOICE.