Uggh, my head feels like its going to explode! I'm soo stressed out it almost makes me wanna vomit.
So its taken a whopping 1MONTH and 10 DAYS into 2012 for me to attempt to try and take back control that I had just relinquished to God at the end of 2011, and even now (as I refer to my exploding head) I'm grasping at what little control I can get my grubby fingers on... silently, although it feels like Im screaming in my head, I'm arguing with and begging God to let me take back my control - despite the fact that I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to fix this problem. I still want to try and get it back.
Wasn't it just 6days ago that Pastor had spoken about trying to be in control when we were born with a driver. Oh Lord,Why was I given such a huge dosage of "Control Freak" in my DNA? Why am I still looking for the mustard seed to find the faith I need to keep in it? How come I'm asking for my problems back when I don't even have a solution? What is wrong with me?? Lord God, I don't want it back, I really don't, I just wish I knew what it was you wanted me to do about it? Absolutely Nothing?... But I dont know how to do that, I need to know how this is going to work. Trust You? God I can't even trust my stomach not to bring up what food I had today, I'm soo freaked out! .... Hello? ..... God? ***sigh*** Ok Fine!! I'm gonna leave it then, but Lord I need you to know that I'm freaking out right now, not knowing what, when, how this is going to happen makes the control freak in me fight even more, and this is how I've lived for many many years. I may talk the talk but Im still learning to walk the walk Lord, please be patient with me and help this weakling child crying at your feet to HEAR YOUR VOICE.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Welcoming 2012!!
Happy New Year everyone. 2012 is here ya'll, I mean its really here!
On the second to last day of 2011, I had a revelation that more or less summed up the entire year that was 2011 - I AM NOT IN CONTROL!! As many times as I have said it, blogged it, facebooked it and wished it to be true, in my heart of hearts I didn't have faith that God had true control over my life! So, it was that 2011 became the year of learned humility that God placed upon this hard of hearing child of His.
Now, although it may have seem that I might have been a tiny bit over zealous with my dislike (hehe) of Utah, I have come to the conclusion that God had always meant for me to have an encounter with this ummm... Salty city of differences! Lol. As it turns out, living in Utah truly did teach me A LOT about myself, about the imperfections that others see in me and the imperfections that I saw in myself, it also hardened me, to be cautious of who you listen to and what you let others speak into your heart, and that bitterness can also be deeper in people you least expected it from and will absolutely take root within your own heart if you let it, and among all of that, it not only brought Ben and I closer together, it deepend & strengthened our bond as husband & wife. Finally, the number one lesson I learnt from 2011 was this... That until you let go of the steering wheel and let God into the driving seat, His plans for your life & future will forever be on standby. I'm choosing to believe and be faithful that God's plan for my future is 10x better than the one I (or anyone else) have planned, and that its much much better than the life I've been living till now, don't you agree?!
LET GO & LET GOD, 2012!
On the second to last day of 2011, I had a revelation that more or less summed up the entire year that was 2011 - I AM NOT IN CONTROL!! As many times as I have said it, blogged it, facebooked it and wished it to be true, in my heart of hearts I didn't have faith that God had true control over my life! So, it was that 2011 became the year of learned humility that God placed upon this hard of hearing child of His.
Now, although it may have seem that I might have been a tiny bit over zealous with my dislike (hehe) of Utah, I have come to the conclusion that God had always meant for me to have an encounter with this ummm... Salty city of differences! Lol. As it turns out, living in Utah truly did teach me A LOT about myself, about the imperfections that others see in me and the imperfections that I saw in myself, it also hardened me, to be cautious of who you listen to and what you let others speak into your heart, and that bitterness can also be deeper in people you least expected it from and will absolutely take root within your own heart if you let it, and among all of that, it not only brought Ben and I closer together, it deepend & strengthened our bond as husband & wife. Finally, the number one lesson I learnt from 2011 was this... That until you let go of the steering wheel and let God into the driving seat, His plans for your life & future will forever be on standby. I'm choosing to believe and be faithful that God's plan for my future is 10x better than the one I (or anyone else) have planned, and that its much much better than the life I've been living till now, don't you agree?!
LET GO & LET GOD, 2012!
Happy New Year, from The Puaina's
Friday, October 14, 2011
Hello FLORIDA!!
Its been a almost a full 3weeks since we left Utah (for good), we're settling back into Florida life and despite the rain earlier on the week we arrived, my sister in law drove me to Ponte Vedra beach just so I can reconnect with Tangaroa (Ocean or Maori God of the Sea) it was short but oh so very sweet. I'm soo very thankful to our Su Family for taking us in while we make the transition, and even more Thankful that we're out of Utah... in fact, the week we arrived in FL I spoke to a few of my friends from my old job in Utah and they told me my timing was perfect because it was ALREADY SNOWING - even if it was just flurries - ITS STILL SNOW!!!! And I thanked God above we were no longer living there - and I'm back in my Normal surroundings, Beach and Sun with an added bonus of good ol' Southern hospitality. I used to hate being called Maam and the Southern manners frankly bugged me, even though it was just that... Manners. But after 2yrs in Utah let me tell you what a welcome change that is. I love it and even love hearing the kids say "Hi, Miss Ria" or "No THANK YOU Maam" I looooovvvveeeee it!! Thank you Lord, we love you and are soo thankful for all that you have provided us with and for keeping us safe during our road trip across America. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. From Florida, with LOVE!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Reality bites... and the Shepherd saves!
The truth of the matter is; I HATE UTAH - I hate everything about this place, the mountains, the snow, the people, the snow, the cult they call religion, the two-faced pitbulls, the whole friggin state and I wish I HAD NEVER EVER moved here! I feel guilty that my husband had to move here, and I know he did this just for me - Oh Lord, can you see how much I despise this place?!?! No matter how much I try to hang in there and wait the time out till we leave this God-forsaken rathole, I just dont have the strength and will-power to be patient any longer. I feel spiritually beaten, broken down and just this week I mentioned that I'd lost my faith - in true reality, Im in the same place now that I was before I came to know Jesus ... and it hurts so much! How could I let this beat me down this way, where is the strength I had once, where is my faith! I feel like Im being punished! God help me!
Lord you hear our prayers, please show us what it is that you want us to do here. We want to leave soo bad but we just dont have the funds to leave just yet, its like the more we try to get out the bigger the hole gets. I refuse to get deeper into my depression, I wont let that happen - esp when my husband is fighting so hard to keep me afloat! Why should he have to fight this? Why did I drag him into this mess.... Im sooo pissed off! I just want to scream - I dont care anymore, I just dont give a flying ..... uggghhh!!! Im suffocating here and I dont know what the hell to do! I wish I could get on the wagon and drink, but the state enforces restrictions on the level of alcohol that I cant even get drunk even if I tried! - But what good would getting drunk do? Not a damn thing, Im stuck in this effing craphole of a shithole and I cant do a damn thing about it! Lord, please! Get us out of here, please! .....................................................................................................................................
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...WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH LORD GOD you are an Awesome God, a Just God, a Caring God and above all, a LOVING God! Oh Lord, when times are tough, you carry us above your shoulder, leading us onto the path we need to lead. Thank you Lord God sooo much.
I know if you're reading this, you're probably completely confused by now hehehe please dont be confused, Ive left the beginning of my blog exactly as it is, its how I felt when I started writing this blog, I didnt edit it because I wanted you to see the real frustration and anguish I felt and the reason why the following happened to me, I promised to be honest with my blog and so the following wouldn't make much sense if you didnt know the pain that happened before it. Heres what happened;
Right when I got to the boiling point of my blog, calling out to God to help me, the frustration blurred me and the hatred in my heart started to grow even more stronger, at that very instance words began flashing in my head. I know how it felt when God first spoke to me (at a Womens Retreat in NZ) and so I knew that its when you're broken down and weary that you hear His voice more clearly... so because I felt completely beat down and calling out for help, I asked 'Why I am here Lord, why do I feel like this?' and the words "Pray for Utah" flashed up, angrily I shook those words out and replied 'NO! why should I? I hate Utah!!' and then the words "Love Utah" flashed, confused and upset I again refused it and I screamed 'No! I hate it here, why?' again and again the words "Pray for Utah" and "Love Utah" flashed until I couldnt shake the words away any longer, the more I shook the words from my thoughts and answered with 'No! I hate it here Lord!! NO!', the more the words flashed, and more & more the anger in me resided and a warmth started to creep into my soul , it got warmer and warmer until finally I felt the loving arms of God surround me completely (just like I did when I first heard his voice all those years back), and then I heard in a loving tone, the words "Stop using your strength to Hate Utah, use it to Love Utah's people!" and with those words, a realization hit me (like an AHA moment) and I started laughing! ... Im telling you now that Im glad Ben is asleep because I know he'd probably have had me admitted after seeing me crying on the floor in anguish one moment and the next on my knees laughing. I just couldnt stop laughing, the realization that all this time I was feeling beat down because of a State when in actual fact, it was using all my strength to hate it that was draining me out, it, it felt like a huge weight off my back - a relief! Hahahaha Ive said it before, sometimes you just need God to come down and slap you a few times and put you on the right path... for me, He does it often! Hehehe you know, Im not perfect, Im a lamb of God who wanders off where she shouldnt go, but regardless of how many times I wander off, Lord Jesus - my Saviour and Shepherd always leaves the herd and comes to find me, because he cares about what happens to me. He wouldnt lead me down a path he knows is dangerous for me, and Im glad we serve such a Loving & Caring God.
Well, now I know that I have a reason for being in Utah. Although the wanderer in me wants to flee and get away right now. I know that God will lead us (both) out when the right time come, but for now I can try to stop hating it soo much and do as Im told; To Pray for & Love the people of Utah.
Lord, God please forgive me for using soo much of my strength on such a hateful thing, help me to Love the people of Utah with the same reverence I used to dislike them. Thank you for answering my prayer and thank you for being with me and shepherding us along the right path. Thank you Lord God, Thank you!
Lastly, I'd like to apologise to those who come across this blog and wander about this crazy writer LOL... well, my blogs title is Seeking My Salvation - so lets just say, Im still seeking it :o) God Bless xox
Lord you hear our prayers, please show us what it is that you want us to do here. We want to leave soo bad but we just dont have the funds to leave just yet, its like the more we try to get out the bigger the hole gets. I refuse to get deeper into my depression, I wont let that happen - esp when my husband is fighting so hard to keep me afloat! Why should he have to fight this? Why did I drag him into this mess.... Im sooo pissed off! I just want to scream - I dont care anymore, I just dont give a flying ..... uggghhh!!! Im suffocating here and I dont know what the hell to do! I wish I could get on the wagon and drink, but the state enforces restrictions on the level of alcohol that I cant even get drunk even if I tried! - But what good would getting drunk do? Not a damn thing, Im stuck in this effing craphole of a shithole and I cant do a damn thing about it! Lord, please! Get us out of here, please! .....................................................................................................................................
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...WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH LORD GOD you are an Awesome God, a Just God, a Caring God and above all, a LOVING God! Oh Lord, when times are tough, you carry us above your shoulder, leading us onto the path we need to lead. Thank you Lord God sooo much.
I know if you're reading this, you're probably completely confused by now hehehe please dont be confused, Ive left the beginning of my blog exactly as it is, its how I felt when I started writing this blog, I didnt edit it because I wanted you to see the real frustration and anguish I felt and the reason why the following happened to me, I promised to be honest with my blog and so the following wouldn't make much sense if you didnt know the pain that happened before it. Heres what happened;
Right when I got to the boiling point of my blog, calling out to God to help me, the frustration blurred me and the hatred in my heart started to grow even more stronger, at that very instance words began flashing in my head. I know how it felt when God first spoke to me (at a Womens Retreat in NZ) and so I knew that its when you're broken down and weary that you hear His voice more clearly... so because I felt completely beat down and calling out for help, I asked 'Why I am here Lord, why do I feel like this?' and the words "Pray for Utah" flashed up, angrily I shook those words out and replied 'NO! why should I? I hate Utah!!' and then the words "Love Utah" flashed, confused and upset I again refused it and I screamed 'No! I hate it here, why?' again and again the words "Pray for Utah" and "Love Utah" flashed until I couldnt shake the words away any longer, the more I shook the words from my thoughts and answered with 'No! I hate it here Lord!! NO!', the more the words flashed, and more & more the anger in me resided and a warmth started to creep into my soul , it got warmer and warmer until finally I felt the loving arms of God surround me completely (just like I did when I first heard his voice all those years back), and then I heard in a loving tone, the words "Stop using your strength to Hate Utah, use it to Love Utah's people!" and with those words, a realization hit me (like an AHA moment) and I started laughing! ... Im telling you now that Im glad Ben is asleep because I know he'd probably have had me admitted after seeing me crying on the floor in anguish one moment and the next on my knees laughing. I just couldnt stop laughing, the realization that all this time I was feeling beat down because of a State when in actual fact, it was using all my strength to hate it that was draining me out, it, it felt like a huge weight off my back - a relief! Hahahaha Ive said it before, sometimes you just need God to come down and slap you a few times and put you on the right path... for me, He does it often! Hehehe you know, Im not perfect, Im a lamb of God who wanders off where she shouldnt go, but regardless of how many times I wander off, Lord Jesus - my Saviour and Shepherd always leaves the herd and comes to find me, because he cares about what happens to me. He wouldnt lead me down a path he knows is dangerous for me, and Im glad we serve such a Loving & Caring God.
Well, now I know that I have a reason for being in Utah. Although the wanderer in me wants to flee and get away right now. I know that God will lead us (both) out when the right time come, but for now I can try to stop hating it soo much and do as Im told; To Pray for & Love the people of Utah.
Lord, God please forgive me for using soo much of my strength on such a hateful thing, help me to Love the people of Utah with the same reverence I used to dislike them. Thank you for answering my prayer and thank you for being with me and shepherding us along the right path. Thank you Lord God, Thank you!
Lastly, I'd like to apologise to those who come across this blog and wander about this crazy writer LOL... well, my blogs title is Seeking My Salvation - so lets just say, Im still seeking it :o) God Bless xox
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Gas Hikes again
Pretty soon, they're gonna tax us for breathing... Hurry Up August, get here already! Praying that the gas hikes dont get soo ridiculous that its gonna be cheaper to Fly out of here, we really need to Drive and I sure hope the gas goes down a lil bit by then... if not all the way back down! Eh well, Dreams are Free right lol
Im soo ready to leave and God knows how hard it is for me to be patient right now, especially with how things are looking financially. BUT... Im faithful that God will provide, show us the way and drive us out of here. Soo excited. On another note, Surgery Round Two is coming up for us, Ben has his surgery confirmed in 2wks time, we were hoping to get out of Utah for a few days just to relax and regroup before his surgery but now that his surgery has been set for the day before we were suppose to get out of town, it doesnt look like its gonna happen with hubby in recovery mode. Still Im very thankful we are finally getting his Polyps removed (he's been living with it for almost 4yrs) and the allergy shots have helped and will continue to help him greatly come Spring. My poor husband is allergic to Grass, Dust & Cats. Sometimes I think having the polyps has been more of a benefit than a nuisance the last 4yrs lol. All in God's time. Be Blessed this March!
Im soo ready to leave and God knows how hard it is for me to be patient right now, especially with how things are looking financially. BUT... Im faithful that God will provide, show us the way and drive us out of here. Soo excited. On another note, Surgery Round Two is coming up for us, Ben has his surgery confirmed in 2wks time, we were hoping to get out of Utah for a few days just to relax and regroup before his surgery but now that his surgery has been set for the day before we were suppose to get out of town, it doesnt look like its gonna happen with hubby in recovery mode. Still Im very thankful we are finally getting his Polyps removed (he's been living with it for almost 4yrs) and the allergy shots have helped and will continue to help him greatly come Spring. My poor husband is allergic to Grass, Dust & Cats. Sometimes I think having the polyps has been more of a benefit than a nuisance the last 4yrs lol. All in God's time. Be Blessed this March!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Desperate Times means Falling in Love all over again...
It's been almost a month since my surgery and I'm healing along as well as I can, the scar that I thought wouldnt be soo bad is starting to grimace at me and my smile is almost not completely crooked, however, I still cant laugh without biting my left lip but my husband keeps me laughing no matter how funny I feel and look.
Lately we've fallen on some pretty tough times financially, and we're sooo truly thankful to have family we can call on for help. Funnily you'd think I'd be loosing weight being on this diet of noodles & soup for the last few weeks but alas, no mas! Lol. A while ago Ben & I saw this movie and I cant for the life of me remember the name of it, but it had a message along the lines of; "It doesnt matter what we do, as long as we do it together" and for the last few months that message has become somewhat of a motto for Ben & I especially when we're discussing our future, where we're heading and how were getting there. No matter what we've been through, we've been through it together and ridden the rollercoaster along the bumpy road that is Life. Either way, God always leads us through the valleys, moving mountains for us and ALL he asks is we stay Faithful! So we will!
The other day after discussing our finances, our move and promising each other we would never get into this predicament ever again, it occured to me that Ben and I have been together almost 10yrs and the feeling of overwhelming love that flooded over me that night drove me to my knees in tears, to know that in only 9yrs we have weathered many storms and ridden countless rollercoasters but always ALWAYS found the time to enjoy each other and make one another laugh and smile. When I see him laugh at something we're joking about, or pretend like he's sick of me kissing him, or when I catch him sneaking looks at me the butterflies in my stomach go into olympic mode with crazy flutters, I know that there isnt a man alive I'd rather live this life or any other lifetimes (if you believe in that kinda thing) than with the wonderful man God has blessed me with today.
It saddens me when I see girls rushing to marry any guy just so they can be married, but Ladies (and Gents) it doesnt work that way... IMO I reckon this is the reason why the divorce rate in America is soo high. Take your time getting to know each other (before & after marriage, it never ends), learn to COMMUNICATE and when times are rough - don't run away, ride it out together and tell me it doesnt make you stronger! May you be blessed to know the Love that God has crafted especially for You.
God Bless xox
Lately we've fallen on some pretty tough times financially, and we're sooo truly thankful to have family we can call on for help. Funnily you'd think I'd be loosing weight being on this diet of noodles & soup for the last few weeks but alas, no mas! Lol. A while ago Ben & I saw this movie and I cant for the life of me remember the name of it, but it had a message along the lines of; "It doesnt matter what we do, as long as we do it together" and for the last few months that message has become somewhat of a motto for Ben & I especially when we're discussing our future, where we're heading and how were getting there. No matter what we've been through, we've been through it together and ridden the rollercoaster along the bumpy road that is Life. Either way, God always leads us through the valleys, moving mountains for us and ALL he asks is we stay Faithful! So we will!
The other day after discussing our finances, our move and promising each other we would never get into this predicament ever again, it occured to me that Ben and I have been together almost 10yrs and the feeling of overwhelming love that flooded over me that night drove me to my knees in tears, to know that in only 9yrs we have weathered many storms and ridden countless rollercoasters but always ALWAYS found the time to enjoy each other and make one another laugh and smile. When I see him laugh at something we're joking about, or pretend like he's sick of me kissing him, or when I catch him sneaking looks at me the butterflies in my stomach go into olympic mode with crazy flutters, I know that there isnt a man alive I'd rather live this life or any other lifetimes (if you believe in that kinda thing) than with the wonderful man God has blessed me with today.
It saddens me when I see girls rushing to marry any guy just so they can be married, but Ladies (and Gents) it doesnt work that way... IMO I reckon this is the reason why the divorce rate in America is soo high. Take your time getting to know each other (before & after marriage, it never ends), learn to COMMUNICATE and when times are rough - don't run away, ride it out together and tell me it doesnt make you stronger! May you be blessed to know the Love that God has crafted especially for You.
God Bless xox
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day 5
Day 5 and the bruisings have started to show... I know Ive got a loooonng way to go till full healing but I really dont know how Im going to do at work with my mouth sipa (crooked) and my lack of pronounciation of my S's & F's - ugghh! I talked with a colleague yesterday and explained to her the problem I was having with my mouth and the dorkus said she didnt want to see me until my mouth was back in place bahahahaha
Neway, had a follow-up with the ENT Dr and he said I was healing exactly right (I didnt know there was a right way to heal lol), and also explained to me what to look for for blood clots (scaryy!!) and just to rest up... ummm, Sorry Doc but my bills arent going to pay themselves SOO... I took one more day off and then Im heading back to the grind Thurs. On the homefront, Ive been pretty short with Ben lately and I dont know if thats because of the pills or something else... But Im guessing its because he spoils me soo much and with me being post-surgery that Im being even more spoilt! HAHAHAHA Im pretty sure its more the latter than the pills Lol I love my husband and I know I am one of the few to have been blessed with such a wonderful, caring soulmate. Love conquers ALL and I know if I were to die today I would be content that no matter what had happened in my life, I was blessed with the LOVE of a wonderful man, wonderful parents, wonderful siblings and wonderful friends. We live in a society where we always think the grass is greener on the other side, never seeing that the greener side is sometimes the side you're actually on. Remember to always look at the blessings you HAVE RIGHT NOW and not always be looking forward to the Blessings yet to come. Enjoy the Now people! God Bless xox
"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
Original: Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850
Neway, had a follow-up with the ENT Dr and he said I was healing exactly right (I didnt know there was a right way to heal lol), and also explained to me what to look for for blood clots (scaryy!!) and just to rest up... ummm, Sorry Doc but my bills arent going to pay themselves SOO... I took one more day off and then Im heading back to the grind Thurs. On the homefront, Ive been pretty short with Ben lately and I dont know if thats because of the pills or something else... But Im guessing its because he spoils me soo much and with me being post-surgery that Im being even more spoilt! HAHAHAHA Im pretty sure its more the latter than the pills Lol I love my husband and I know I am one of the few to have been blessed with such a wonderful, caring soulmate. Love conquers ALL and I know if I were to die today I would be content that no matter what had happened in my life, I was blessed with the LOVE of a wonderful man, wonderful parents, wonderful siblings and wonderful friends. We live in a society where we always think the grass is greener on the other side, never seeing that the greener side is sometimes the side you're actually on. Remember to always look at the blessings you HAVE RIGHT NOW and not always be looking forward to the Blessings yet to come. Enjoy the Now people! God Bless xox
"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
Original: Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Results are In
Yesterday I had the nicest thing happen, the nurse who looked after me in Recovery at Salt Lake Regional called to see how I was doing, Ive only had surgery once before and this never happened and to have her call and check on me was by far the nicest thing Ive ever had happen to me in my whole Hospital History. Thank you Lord for the blessings of the Recovery Nurse.
This morning, the swelling on my face doesnt look as bad - its still wobbly, I iced it for a little bit last nite so I think thats helped a little bit and Im starting to cut down on my pain meds - I go back to work on Thurs, it was spose to be Wed but I dont think I'll be any good tomorrow on the number of pain meds im on, so today instead of having had 4 by 12pm, Ive only taken 1 pill. I can feel a bit of pain but nothing I cant handle - God continues to take care of me and theres nothing like surgery to put things in perspective! The ENT Dr called with the results today and All Glory to God - it was benign. NO CANCER! WOOHOOO!! Now its looking after me time, Im soo glad to have Ben by my side and I know no matter what may come our way, TOGETHER we can get through ANYTHING!
Gods continued Blessings xox
This morning, the swelling on my face doesnt look as bad - its still wobbly, I iced it for a little bit last nite so I think thats helped a little bit and Im starting to cut down on my pain meds - I go back to work on Thurs, it was spose to be Wed but I dont think I'll be any good tomorrow on the number of pain meds im on, so today instead of having had 4 by 12pm, Ive only taken 1 pill. I can feel a bit of pain but nothing I cant handle - God continues to take care of me and theres nothing like surgery to put things in perspective! The ENT Dr called with the results today and All Glory to God - it was benign. NO CANCER! WOOHOOO!! Now its looking after me time, Im soo glad to have Ben by my side and I know no matter what may come our way, TOGETHER we can get through ANYTHING!
Gods continued Blessings xox
Monday, January 31, 2011
Post-surgery
Its been a few days since my surgery and Im healing slowly. I still have a lot of swelling and the numbness is still there but the doctor says I still have a L O N G way to go. At least 2-4mths before I get the movement back in the nerves and the swelling goes down. We will know on Tues the results of the biopsy, but we're both glad that we caught the tumor early. Soo much I could write about but the pain meds are keeping me groggy and Im soo very thankful Im getting all the sleep I can get now lol I should be ok to go back to work on Wed but we'll see. God Bless & Thanks for the prayers xox
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Spilt Tea & Laptops
"Babe, watch you dont spill your tea - its right by the laptop" Less than 10mins later; spilt tea over laptop.
Yes I know, but I cant blame Ben entirely because ... umm... I may have been wrestling him! HAHAHAHAHA so when the inevitable finally occured I SCOLDED HIM LIGHTLY... I say that because the old Me would've GONE OFF on him lol but because Im just as much to blame as he is, I couldnt, still, I took a jab since I had warned him earlier LOL
After cleaning off as much as we could, we let is sit (tipped upside down for any excess water to drain out) for a bit before we tried to use it again... Lo & Behold, No Bueno! Sad face
Finally after Ben had gone to bed, I tried to log back in... No working keys on the Keyboard & the Mouse was completely shot. With the keyboard not working, I remembered seeing something (while tutu'ing with it months ealier) about an Onscreen Keyboard, I located this through Ease of Use in the Control Panel and gave it a whirl... Yeeaaaaa a snail could've outran this Onscreen Keyboard it was soo slow lol So I eventually gave in and decided just to turn it off and leave it sit for the night.
While sitting there watching TV I got to thinking that I had wanted to give up using the computer soo much (esp Facebook) just last week, and Ben and I had actually discussed this on Sunday after we got home from church. So all in all, maybe its not soo bad to not have a laptop.
Needless to say, I didnt loose any sleep over it either, HOWEVER, I woke up this morning and decided to turn on the laptop to confirm it was indeed broken ............... NO, its working just fine again - except a few loose & sticky keys and the mouse still out of action. Funny though, Im not ecstatic its not broken lol but its taught us a few very important lessons;
1) Dont drink tea around the laptop and 2) Put the laptop away if you're gonna go WWF on your husband lol and finally 3) Spend more time wrestling (playing) with your partner... Life goes by too fast when you're eyes are glued to the computer. Turn it off and spend time with your family.
So, now Im about to turn the laptop off and get dinner ready for hubby when he gets home in an hour. We have Group Fellowship tonite at Pastors house, so its an early dinner tonight.
ALSO: This Friday is my surgery for extraction of my lymphnodes for biopsy - Prayers Welcome. God Bless you all & your loved ones xox
Yes I know, but I cant blame Ben entirely because ... umm... I may have been wrestling him! HAHAHAHAHA so when the inevitable finally occured I SCOLDED HIM LIGHTLY... I say that because the old Me would've GONE OFF on him lol but because Im just as much to blame as he is, I couldnt, still, I took a jab since I had warned him earlier LOL
After cleaning off as much as we could, we let is sit (tipped upside down for any excess water to drain out) for a bit before we tried to use it again... Lo & Behold, No Bueno! Sad face
Finally after Ben had gone to bed, I tried to log back in... No working keys on the Keyboard & the Mouse was completely shot. With the keyboard not working, I remembered seeing something (while tutu'ing with it months ealier) about an Onscreen Keyboard, I located this through Ease of Use in the Control Panel and gave it a whirl... Yeeaaaaa a snail could've outran this Onscreen Keyboard it was soo slow lol So I eventually gave in and decided just to turn it off and leave it sit for the night.
While sitting there watching TV I got to thinking that I had wanted to give up using the computer soo much (esp Facebook) just last week, and Ben and I had actually discussed this on Sunday after we got home from church. So all in all, maybe its not soo bad to not have a laptop.
Needless to say, I didnt loose any sleep over it either, HOWEVER, I woke up this morning and decided to turn on the laptop to confirm it was indeed broken ............... NO, its working just fine again - except a few loose & sticky keys and the mouse still out of action. Funny though, Im not ecstatic its not broken lol but its taught us a few very important lessons;
1) Dont drink tea around the laptop and 2) Put the laptop away if you're gonna go WWF on your husband lol and finally 3) Spend more time wrestling (playing) with your partner... Life goes by too fast when you're eyes are glued to the computer. Turn it off and spend time with your family.
So, now Im about to turn the laptop off and get dinner ready for hubby when he gets home in an hour. We have Group Fellowship tonite at Pastors house, so its an early dinner tonight.
ALSO: This Friday is my surgery for extraction of my lymphnodes for biopsy - Prayers Welcome. God Bless you all & your loved ones xox
Monday, January 17, 2011
New Years Resolution vs 30 Day Blog Challenge
I was looking for a challenge that I could "realistically" set for myself other than setting a "realistic-but-probably-give-up-on" New Years resolution hehehe you see Ive had the same NYs resolution for the last 4 years; "Loose Weight", and since I've failed the last 4years, Im just gonna stop with that goal lol... I do soo well until the Christmas festivities & just like that we're back to square one lol.
Want an example? See my blog Blizzards & Crazy Drivers in April 2010 - this went on well enough until my BFF (all the way in Australia - yes you're ears better be burning hehe) got pregnant and well it just seemed fair that we both take a 9mth break hehehe... we do things like that! Lol its no wonder I always fail hehe
So here's how the Challenge won over the Resolution, about a week ago two girls come into the clinic for a pre-employment screening, while they're waiting to be called back they start talking about their "Blog Challenge" and how they've got some ideas for that days Blog. I mean, they were actually EXCITED about Blogging - I must've made a face because one of the girls giggled and asked why I didnt like Blogs. I explained that I do have a Blog but I just never got as excited about it like they just did, so they both EXCITEDLY (yet again) told me about this 30 day Blog Challenge and how you can set the challenge for something you want to do in 30 days... something about the time it takes for a Goal to get its wheels turning and blogging about it Everyday starts the engine going. I asked if it was like a NY's resolution to which one said, the challenge is probably what will make you succeed in your NY's resolution - if you stick to it. Before they left, I asked how to start said "Blog Challenge", and it turns out I just have to pick something different to write about everyday for 30 days to complete the Over-all Challenge... which was something I PLAN to start and continue with for as long as I wish. The 30 Days of blogging was just the beginning...
Ironically, deciding what exactly my OVERALL Challenge was going to be was a Challenge in itself lol... I do know that I am definitely NOT going to be writing about WEIGHT LOSS for 30 days straight. Our Pastor at church is On Fire for the Goals he has set for the church and the entire church has an input in it, I always leave church Gunho to get started on the Church Goals plan... Keyword being PLAN! So my plans??? .... well here are some of the things I wanted to get done this year:
Want an example? See my blog Blizzards & Crazy Drivers in April 2010 - this went on well enough until my BFF (all the way in Australia - yes you're ears better be burning hehe) got pregnant and well it just seemed fair that we both take a 9mth break hehehe... we do things like that! Lol its no wonder I always fail hehe
So here's how the Challenge won over the Resolution, about a week ago two girls come into the clinic for a pre-employment screening, while they're waiting to be called back they start talking about their "Blog Challenge" and how they've got some ideas for that days Blog. I mean, they were actually EXCITED about Blogging - I must've made a face because one of the girls giggled and asked why I didnt like Blogs. I explained that I do have a Blog but I just never got as excited about it like they just did, so they both EXCITEDLY (yet again) told me about this 30 day Blog Challenge and how you can set the challenge for something you want to do in 30 days... something about the time it takes for a Goal to get its wheels turning and blogging about it Everyday starts the engine going. I asked if it was like a NY's resolution to which one said, the challenge is probably what will make you succeed in your NY's resolution - if you stick to it. Before they left, I asked how to start said "Blog Challenge", and it turns out I just have to pick something different to write about everyday for 30 days to complete the Over-all Challenge... which was something I PLAN to start and continue with for as long as I wish. The 30 Days of blogging was just the beginning...
Ironically, deciding what exactly my OVERALL Challenge was going to be was a Challenge in itself lol... I do know that I am definitely NOT going to be writing about WEIGHT LOSS for 30 days straight. Our Pastor at church is On Fire for the Goals he has set for the church and the entire church has an input in it, I always leave church Gunho to get started on the Church Goals plan... Keyword being PLAN! So my plans??? .... well here are some of the things I wanted to get done this year:
- GET RIGHT WITH GOD ... Im a Work
STILLIn Progress People! :) - Spending LESS time on Facebook - ideally deleting my Acct altogether.. the drama on there is seriously sad & ridiculous!!
- Spending MORE time in the Bible, with GOD and with my husband
- Re-connect with friends & family - the light at the end of the dark tunnel
- Getting financially stable for the move out of Utah - Woohooo!
- Praying for GOD's calling for me & SERVING OTHERS
- And Getting My Groove Back <--- listening to Celine Dion while blogging lol
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Doctors arent Perfect.
HAPPY 2011 Everyone.
Pray you are all blessed this coming year and beyond. In Sounds of Music, Fraulein Maria famously quotes that "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window" and so the door to 2010 has been closed and the window to new opportunities and beginnings in 2011 has been opened.
Ben and I closed out 2010 in amidst many testings for our health. Ben's results have come back all clear but he still has a few more tests to go before we can breathe a sigh of relief... even though after the CT scan we breathed a HUGE sigh of relief, however it didnt give us an answer to Ben's health issue and so we hope that the next test will provide some answers, Thankfully so far its not cancerous and we are very relieved. Our plan to move back home was all dependent on Ben's CT scan and with that coming back with positive results we are back on track for our plans for the move home.. YESS!!
Both of our health issues has been an emotional roller-coaster. Ben's doctor has been amazing, never making an assumption on what the issue may be and always telling Ben exactly what tests are being done and what the tests are for. I understand that Doctors aren't perfect and that they're only human who sometimes make mistakes but to say that Im only slighly disappointed with my Doctor would be an understatement. On my very first visit, after just doing a Urine Analysis she determined that I was diabetic, and even after telling her that I had already been tested for it and wasn't diabetic, she still wanted to do further testing. I got very worried that my previous tests had been false and I indeed did have diabetes (which unfortunately, runs very strong in both sides of my family). I also did an Ultrasound for a growth in my glands, the doctor confirmed that it was a cyst but she would have a Radiologist look at it further just to be safe. Although she figured that the only thing that might need to happen was drainage of the cyst.
So while we waited for the result, Ben & I discussed the changes that may need to be made (lifestyle & foodwise) and decided to wait on the results before acting on it. After about two and a half weeks with no call, I called the Dr's office who told me the results had been mailed to me.. MAILED!! I asked the Medical Assistant to tell me what the results were, she told me I was not diabetic (um derrrr) but that I was severely Vit D deficient and that I needed to get on Vitamin D pills ASAP... nice of them to let me know ASAP! And that the Radiologist after reviewing my Ultrasound recommended a CT scan, but no further explanations given. I had my first CT scan the day after Ben's scan and an appointment was set at the ENT Specialist for surgery to remove the cyst.
Today, Ben and I had our appt at the ENT, Ben has had a nasal polyps for about 3yrs now and everytime we try and get surgery set for it, something comes up that stops it. We didnt have insurance for a long time, and when we finally got it in CA and started with the surgery preparations by the time it was booked Ben had been laid off, and come the day of his surgery we had lost the Insurance. So now, the preparation begins again and thankfully this time, we are double covered. At todays visit, Ben had an appointment set for Allergy testing, and another CT scan for his polyps. The doctor however set me up for surgery for a biopsy. This confused me completely so I called the Dr when I got home and told her of the ENT visit and about the CT results, the Dr advised that the Radiologist found a mass and hence the CT scan was recommended. The CT scan found that the socalled "cyst" was infact a mass compiled of several parts (possibly non malignant) and a tumor but a biopsy was required to determine if it is malignant or not. I advised her that the ENT was booking me in for an extraction and biopsy. When I asked why noone had called me to tell me about this, she said she had left a note in my chart for someone to call me - OMG!! After telling the doctor that SHE should've called me, I hung up angrily and broke down crying. I work in the medical field and I understand that sometimes things get overlooked but in the terms of this being a tumor with a biopsy required you'd think this would warrant a phone call from THE DOCTOR not her Medical Assistant - who still didnt do that either! I was soo angry and this is not the way I wanted to see in 2011. I think Im more angry with the doctor then I am with the results. GO FIGURE! So, after my breakdown my loving husband decided to cheer me up and took me out (despite it being freezing cold) for a chocolate cream pie lol. I can forgive the doctor for putting me through such an emotional state but I know I cant blame her, that just makes me a bitter person. We take life as it is and live it as best we can, blaming others for the outcome doesnt make or change it, so we'll keep praying that the surgery and biopsy come back fine but if it doesnt, we know God will open a window.
Pray you are all blessed this coming year and beyond. In Sounds of Music, Fraulein Maria famously quotes that "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window" and so the door to 2010 has been closed and the window to new opportunities and beginnings in 2011 has been opened.
Ben and I closed out 2010 in amidst many testings for our health. Ben's results have come back all clear but he still has a few more tests to go before we can breathe a sigh of relief... even though after the CT scan we breathed a HUGE sigh of relief, however it didnt give us an answer to Ben's health issue and so we hope that the next test will provide some answers, Thankfully so far its not cancerous and we are very relieved. Our plan to move back home was all dependent on Ben's CT scan and with that coming back with positive results we are back on track for our plans for the move home.. YESS!!
Both of our health issues has been an emotional roller-coaster. Ben's doctor has been amazing, never making an assumption on what the issue may be and always telling Ben exactly what tests are being done and what the tests are for. I understand that Doctors aren't perfect and that they're only human who sometimes make mistakes but to say that Im only slighly disappointed with my Doctor would be an understatement. On my very first visit, after just doing a Urine Analysis she determined that I was diabetic, and even after telling her that I had already been tested for it and wasn't diabetic, she still wanted to do further testing. I got very worried that my previous tests had been false and I indeed did have diabetes (which unfortunately, runs very strong in both sides of my family). I also did an Ultrasound for a growth in my glands, the doctor confirmed that it was a cyst but she would have a Radiologist look at it further just to be safe. Although she figured that the only thing that might need to happen was drainage of the cyst.
So while we waited for the result, Ben & I discussed the changes that may need to be made (lifestyle & foodwise) and decided to wait on the results before acting on it. After about two and a half weeks with no call, I called the Dr's office who told me the results had been mailed to me.. MAILED!! I asked the Medical Assistant to tell me what the results were, she told me I was not diabetic (um derrrr) but that I was severely Vit D deficient and that I needed to get on Vitamin D pills ASAP... nice of them to let me know ASAP! And that the Radiologist after reviewing my Ultrasound recommended a CT scan, but no further explanations given. I had my first CT scan the day after Ben's scan and an appointment was set at the ENT Specialist for surgery to remove the cyst.
Today, Ben and I had our appt at the ENT, Ben has had a nasal polyps for about 3yrs now and everytime we try and get surgery set for it, something comes up that stops it. We didnt have insurance for a long time, and when we finally got it in CA and started with the surgery preparations by the time it was booked Ben had been laid off, and come the day of his surgery we had lost the Insurance. So now, the preparation begins again and thankfully this time, we are double covered. At todays visit, Ben had an appointment set for Allergy testing, and another CT scan for his polyps. The doctor however set me up for surgery for a biopsy. This confused me completely so I called the Dr when I got home and told her of the ENT visit and about the CT results, the Dr advised that the Radiologist found a mass and hence the CT scan was recommended. The CT scan found that the socalled "cyst" was infact a mass compiled of several parts (possibly non malignant) and a tumor but a biopsy was required to determine if it is malignant or not. I advised her that the ENT was booking me in for an extraction and biopsy. When I asked why noone had called me to tell me about this, she said she had left a note in my chart for someone to call me - OMG!! After telling the doctor that SHE should've called me, I hung up angrily and broke down crying. I work in the medical field and I understand that sometimes things get overlooked but in the terms of this being a tumor with a biopsy required you'd think this would warrant a phone call from THE DOCTOR not her Medical Assistant - who still didnt do that either! I was soo angry and this is not the way I wanted to see in 2011. I think Im more angry with the doctor then I am with the results. GO FIGURE! So, after my breakdown my loving husband decided to cheer me up and took me out (despite it being freezing cold) for a chocolate cream pie lol. I can forgive the doctor for putting me through such an emotional state but I know I cant blame her, that just makes me a bitter person. We take life as it is and live it as best we can, blaming others for the outcome doesnt make or change it, so we'll keep praying that the surgery and biopsy come back fine but if it doesnt, we know God will open a window.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Psalms 27: 8
My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming." New Living Translation, Psalms 27: 8
Just wanted to share this, these past two weeks have been filled with some testing times. Hubby & I had to make an impromptu weekend drive to AZ (7hrs now instead of the normal 8hrs - thanks to the completion of the Hoover Dam Bridge... and incredibably not as daunting as I thought it might be) to visit Grandma who was in Hospital with a long list of medical terms I couldnt repeat even if I tried. She's a fighter though and hanging in there. We left Sat afternoon and came back Monday morning. To say we were'nt knackered would be lying... we were schwoooshed!! Is that a new word?? lol eh well! Regardless, we'll continue to keep grandma in prayers and we have to prepare for the eventual event of having to let her go back to God... it wont be easy but I personally would rather that than see her in any more pain. WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
Thanksgiving was Yesterday and we spent it with family & friends, it was a freezing -2 degrees on Thanksgiving Eve and I seriously didnt even want to leave home but we have plenty to be Thankful for and that we had to share that with loved ones, we are thankful for those who opened their homes up to us to share Thanksgiving with. The cold however, Im struggling to understand what I could possibly be thankful for... so We both absolutely agree (without any doubt) that this will be our last Winter in Utah - FOREVER!! lol I love that, so we're making plans for our next move as soon as we can find work and finances underway. I CAN'T WAIT! lol
I still have a long way to go in seeking my Happiness again but my family & friends (those that matter and care genuinely, and not just faking the funk) have been sharing encouraging words with me and egging me on back. The old Me will soon return and she wont be an easy one to get along with but she'll be ME and thats all I want. Lol
It will be sad to leave the friends Ive made here in Utah, they've been a Godsend to me, today at work we shared what we were most thankful for and I truly am thankful that no matter where we have moved, Ive been blessed to have met some amazing people and also thankful for those who have given me headaches lol, they keep me on my toes and keep me going back to where I BELONG! A humbling experience but one I need to have more now than ever. Lord, Im coming... slowly but surely, Im coming back HOME!
Just wanted to share this, these past two weeks have been filled with some testing times. Hubby & I had to make an impromptu weekend drive to AZ (7hrs now instead of the normal 8hrs - thanks to the completion of the Hoover Dam Bridge... and incredibably not as daunting as I thought it might be) to visit Grandma who was in Hospital with a long list of medical terms I couldnt repeat even if I tried. She's a fighter though and hanging in there. We left Sat afternoon and came back Monday morning. To say we were'nt knackered would be lying... we were schwoooshed!! Is that a new word?? lol eh well! Regardless, we'll continue to keep grandma in prayers and we have to prepare for the eventual event of having to let her go back to God... it wont be easy but I personally would rather that than see her in any more pain. WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
Thanksgiving was Yesterday and we spent it with family & friends, it was a freezing -2 degrees on Thanksgiving Eve and I seriously didnt even want to leave home but we have plenty to be Thankful for and that we had to share that with loved ones, we are thankful for those who opened their homes up to us to share Thanksgiving with. The cold however, Im struggling to understand what I could possibly be thankful for... so We both absolutely agree (without any doubt) that this will be our last Winter in Utah - FOREVER!! lol I love that, so we're making plans for our next move as soon as we can find work and finances underway. I CAN'T WAIT! lol
I still have a long way to go in seeking my Happiness again but my family & friends (those that matter and care genuinely, and not just faking the funk) have been sharing encouraging words with me and egging me on back. The old Me will soon return and she wont be an easy one to get along with but she'll be ME and thats all I want. Lol
It will be sad to leave the friends Ive made here in Utah, they've been a Godsend to me, today at work we shared what we were most thankful for and I truly am thankful that no matter where we have moved, Ive been blessed to have met some amazing people and also thankful for those who have given me headaches lol, they keep me on my toes and keep me going back to where I BELONG! A humbling experience but one I need to have more now than ever. Lord, Im coming... slowly but surely, Im coming back HOME!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Feeling lighter!
No, no I havent lost anymore weight, however, people have commented recently that I do look "slightly" slimmer hahaha SLIGHTLY??? gee thanks! Lol
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months. It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken.
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!
So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work. Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol. But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol.
Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song.
Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months. I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning. I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!
Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.
Note to mention: My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki.
328 more days!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Snow & Justin Bieber
I hate it, granted it does have visual beauty but I still hate it! We just got our first Snow of the year and I for one am not in the least bit excited... 1) because its not even the end of the October and 2) can it not snow without the wind chill!!!! I think I'd be ok with it if it would just made an appearance on Christmas Day but frankly, its an unwanted guest at my front door. Lol
Regardless of that, I am happy to say that this will be our very last White Christmas! YAY!! So at least I can just make do with it this year, hang in there till the end of winter and then wave Gooooodbye Forever to Snow! I dont care if its not Sunny I intend to spend the rest of my Christmas' planted at the beach! - California, Florida, Hawaii it does'nt matter where the beach is... I will be at A beach (any beach) next Xmas so help me and Yes, I will be happy to be the only one sitting at the beach even if its raining on Xmas Day, that how much I miss Xmas at the Beach... I know it wont be NZ but still at least its Xmas at the Beach ! Lol
In other news, ironically, after fully not understanding the whole fad that is Justine Bieber, I finally listened to Justin Bieber's Baby on Youtube and discovered that I actually quite like... no not like - Love that song and I thoroughly beat the mess out of it on repeat cleaning the apartment yesterday lol I was still singing it when I got called into work last night. I finally understand the big deal - the song just makes you feel REALLY GOOD!! You've gotta check it out!
Other than that, Im full, I just finished dinner with my beloved - Chicken Broccoli Casserole mmmm. God continues to bless us. Thank you Lord!
NOTE TO SELF: you really need to stop typing in txt mode - it makes for faster editing.
Regardless of that, I am happy to say that this will be our very last White Christmas! YAY!! So at least I can just make do with it this year, hang in there till the end of winter and then wave Gooooodbye Forever to Snow! I dont care if its not Sunny I intend to spend the rest of my Christmas' planted at the beach! - California, Florida, Hawaii it does'nt matter where the beach is... I will be at A beach (any beach) next Xmas so help me and Yes, I will be happy to be the only one sitting at the beach even if its raining on Xmas Day, that how much I miss Xmas at the Beach... I know it wont be NZ but still at least its Xmas at the Beach ! Lol
In other news, ironically, after fully not understanding the whole fad that is Justine Bieber, I finally listened to Justin Bieber's Baby on Youtube and discovered that I actually quite like... no not like - Love that song and I thoroughly beat the mess out of it on repeat cleaning the apartment yesterday lol I was still singing it when I got called into work last night. I finally understand the big deal - the song just makes you feel REALLY GOOD!! You've gotta check it out!
Other than that, Im full, I just finished dinner with my beloved - Chicken Broccoli Casserole mmmm. God continues to bless us. Thank you Lord!
NOTE TO SELF: you really need to stop typing in txt mode - it makes for faster editing.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 2010 Update.
OCTOBER! OCTOBER! OCTOBER!
October is my favourite month, yes Im being biased because I was born this Month, in fact 2 days into the whole month I graced this world with my presence and everyone was better for it.... bahaha in a perfect world maybe. But October is also special because I share the Birthday Month with many other special & dear to me people... two very special birthdays of note are both Ben & I's eldest uncles turned 60yrs three days within each other. HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY TO UNCLE TU'A & UNCLE AUTAI.
A milestone in both our families as they are both consecutively the eldest surviving Uncles in each of our families. And to have them both celebrate 60yrs within 3days of each other on my favourite month of the year just means they're that much more special to me as well. May God bless you both with 60 more wonderful years of life, we love you both very very much.
Wishing all the OCTOBER babies of our family & friends... a whopping 21 of us... A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
My cousin Juliana celebrated her 21st birthday in NZ this past week and took some beautiful photos of Home which increased my Homesickness by oh at least a thousand lol but I wanted to share this photo of a certain little niece of mine atop a laundry basket during an All Blacks Rugby game. A true Kiwi at heart and unfortunate bigger Rugby fan than her own mother. Lol
October is my favourite month, yes Im being biased because I was born this Month, in fact 2 days into the whole month I graced this world with my presence and everyone was better for it.... bahaha in a perfect world maybe. But October is also special because I share the Birthday Month with many other special & dear to me people... two very special birthdays of note are both Ben & I's eldest uncles turned 60yrs three days within each other. HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY TO UNCLE TU'A & UNCLE AUTAI.
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| Uncle Tu'a & kids |
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| Stylin Uncle Autai |
A milestone in both our families as they are both consecutively the eldest surviving Uncles in each of our families. And to have them both celebrate 60yrs within 3days of each other on my favourite month of the year just means they're that much more special to me as well. May God bless you both with 60 more wonderful years of life, we love you both very very much.
Wishing all the OCTOBER babies of our family & friends... a whopping 21 of us... A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
My cousin Juliana celebrated her 21st birthday in NZ this past week and took some beautiful photos of Home which increased my Homesickness by oh at least a thousand lol but I wanted to share this photo of a certain little niece of mine atop a laundry basket during an All Blacks Rugby game. A true Kiwi at heart and unfortunate bigger Rugby fan than her own mother. Lol Of course my gorgeous lil Chinaman nephew TinTin also in there gettin his share of Rugby air time lol. We love you both so much!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dreeeeaaam, Dream, Dream, Dream
I told my husband today that he woke me up this morning... long after he left for work. He had, in fact, woken me up twice this morning, the first time when he was getting ready for work and conveniently left the bathroom light conveniently (yet again) shining right into my face lol, the second and the most beautiful time in my dream when he said "Huni, come on lets go!?" in his boyishly gorgeous flirty voice that he uses on me when he wants to get something I already told him we couldnt afford. Lol
The dream, in its entirety, I cant seem to recall but the only part that stands out, and as Im writing this I can still envision, is the way his face lit up while he was co-ercing me to leave for a destination Im not to sure of either. But I sure did jump out of bed like he we were really heading out to somewhere nice only to be disappointed that it was a dream and my husband was yet to return from work. Boo :(
So when he got home this evening, I gave him an extra long kiss welcome home and told him how much I appreciate how he makes me feel like a million bucks regardless of how crappy my day was and how much I hate this state of Utah hehehe... yes folks, Im still on the I HATE UTAH wagon. I am, however, ever more in love with my husband, confidante and best friend, my Ben. I am eternally grateful to God for blessing me the honor of meeting, loving and marrying the one man in this whole entire universe who could love me, understand me, calm me, fulfil me and still make me go weak at the knees almost 9yrs after meeting him. I love you so soo soo much Ben!
A few weeks ago, Ben & I celebrated and honored his mother's life by participating in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Fundraiser Walk in Liberty Park, during our walk, Ben shared stories of how she was an amazing mother, sister, daughter, aunty and 
wife. Over the years, Ive often heard stories from the whole family about Ben's mother and with every memory Ive only wished I had had the chance to meet her, despite that I can only pray I'll be half as amazing as she was. Her battle with Breast Cancer ended in Nov 1998 and she will always be Loved, Honored and Remembered by ALL who's hearts she touched. The fundraising walk made for an emotional day and walking alongside other families honoring their loved ones and the amazing survivors was very inspirational, at one point we passed two ladies walking along hollering and yahooing about beating Breast Cancer and the smiles and joy radiating from them was so infectious that we couldnt help but holler and yahoo along with them! I know Ben misses his Mother daily and we celebrated her especially on October 9th during the walk. Rest In Love Momma Temukisa, we love you dearly... and from me to you a special thank you for granting me the honor of loving an equally amazing child of yours. He is the wonderful Man he is today because of the wonderful Mother you were.
The dream, in its entirety, I cant seem to recall but the only part that stands out, and as Im writing this I can still envision, is the way his face lit up while he was co-ercing me to leave for a destination Im not to sure of either. But I sure did jump out of bed like he we were really heading out to somewhere nice only to be disappointed that it was a dream and my husband was yet to return from work. Boo :(
So when he got home this evening, I gave him an extra long kiss welcome home and told him how much I appreciate how he makes me feel like a million bucks regardless of how crappy my day was and how much I hate this state of Utah hehehe... yes folks, Im still on the I HATE UTAH wagon. I am, however, ever more in love with my husband, confidante and best friend, my Ben. I am eternally grateful to God for blessing me the honor of meeting, loving and marrying the one man in this whole entire universe who could love me, understand me, calm me, fulfil me and still make me go weak at the knees almost 9yrs after meeting him. I love you so soo soo much Ben!
wife. Over the years, Ive often heard stories from the whole family about Ben's mother and with every memory Ive only wished I had had the chance to meet her, despite that I can only pray I'll be half as amazing as she was. Her battle with Breast Cancer ended in Nov 1998 and she will always be Loved, Honored and Remembered by ALL who's hearts she touched. The fundraising walk made for an emotional day and walking alongside other families honoring their loved ones and the amazing survivors was very inspirational, at one point we passed two ladies walking along hollering and yahooing about beating Breast Cancer and the smiles and joy radiating from them was so infectious that we couldnt help but holler and yahoo along with them! I know Ben misses his Mother daily and we celebrated her especially on October 9th during the walk. Rest In Love Momma Temukisa, we love you dearly... and from me to you a special thank you for granting me the honor of loving an equally amazing child of yours. He is the wonderful Man he is today because of the wonderful Mother you were. 
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Birthday smileys...
Theres nothing better than getting soo much love on your birthday, today I celebrate 33yrs of God's blessings. And he continues to shower me with those blessings through friends and family wishing me happiness and love today, in soo many ways. I am truly thankful.
Its been a not-soo nice past week but today's feelings make those feelings of unworth and sickly nerves seem like ... well nothing! I love the people God has blessed me with in my life, I need to remind myself that there are others who love me unconditionally and I need to show them I know and feel their love. And God is the number one person I need to make amends to, to thank him for blessing me with 33yrs of awesome lessons and teachings, love & hurt, kindness and unkindness because all of these make me the woman I am today. I am blessed by God's ALMIGHTY hand and no one has control over me but Him. Thank you Lord God, for moulding me into the person I am today. Into my Potters Hands I stay. I love you Lord. Thank you to all who sent their love and well wishes for today. YOU ARE ALL MY BLESSINGS!!
Its been a not-soo nice past week but today's feelings make those feelings of unworth and sickly nerves seem like ... well nothing! I love the people God has blessed me with in my life, I need to remind myself that there are others who love me unconditionally and I need to show them I know and feel their love. And God is the number one person I need to make amends to, to thank him for blessing me with 33yrs of awesome lessons and teachings, love & hurt, kindness and unkindness because all of these make me the woman I am today. I am blessed by God's ALMIGHTY hand and no one has control over me but Him. Thank you Lord God, for moulding me into the person I am today. Into my Potters Hands I stay. I love you Lord. Thank you to all who sent their love and well wishes for today. YOU ARE ALL MY BLESSINGS!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Unease
Today was horrible, I woke up with a gut wrenching feeling - all was not well, I dont know if its because Ive been without a cell since Friday, I doubt it tho, I dont feel lost without it but it did feel weird. So Im still not sure where the feeling came from or what it meant, especially since Ben & I had an awesome weekend, doing absolutely nothing but just spend time together so to start the week with an awful feeling soo wasnt cool. Work was horrible too, and there some drama on Facebook that I fully wish I didnt read! Im done with Drama, Im done with Utah, I guess Im just done!
Im praying that this feeling doesnt amount to anything. God Bless x
Im praying that this feeling doesnt amount to anything. God Bless x
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sept 2010 Update
Ok, so I guess a lil bit too much time has passed since my last post, well heres an update. Things are on the move with our next move, we are still soo very xcited and have started the ball rolling on the things that need to be done before leaving... the feeling of "if I had the money, we'd be leaving tomorrow" still lingers but the looming reality stench (lol) of "we have to save to get outta here" sticks & stinks! hehehe
Operation 2012 is ON HOLD as my darling BFF & Oper2012 partner, Sharn Is with CHILD... hehehe, woohooo Im sooo happy for them, it will be Sharn & C's first child together and Im soo happy to a doting aunty again and to being ON HOLD myself from Oper2012... yes, yes I know I could easily carry on by myself, but its not the same so Im taking 9mths off toohehehe, I just wont be delivering anything but myself (hopefully) to Sharns side when she has baby. Aunty & Uncle naturally cant wait to meet our newest lil bundle and Sharn & I are already talkin about where we're gonna take baby shopping (of course in terms of baby being a girl... naturally lol), our husbands on the other hands are discussings which College & NFL Football Team baby will be playing for BAHAHAHAHAHA... Boys!!!! lol
Operation OCC - Complete College is back on hold also, unfortunately, the school I had chosen decided to do a 360 on me after I had completed my Financial Aid forms. The first day was a nightmare, My Sociology class consisted of my tutor giving his opinion on the non-existance of God (oh no he didnt!!!), the Human Evolution (Big Bang Theory) and the stupidity of Religion and that (esp the first point) obviously didnt sit well with me so I gave my opinion and it turns out the tutor only wanted to share his opinion and NOT entertain anyone else's - Go Figure! We finished an hour early, so instead of letting us go on to start studying or homework, he made us watch one of His Favorite movies - Im still not sure how that fit into Sociology hmmm. So I promptly dropped out of His class and moved on to my IT class, where my Tutor there while outlining the necessary IT requirements for the class ended each sentence with; "only if you wanna, I mean I really dont stick to it, cause its really not that important, but whatever!" ... WOW!!! this is what Im paying $10,000 a year for??? Are you serious??? .. and so there ended the goal of completing college. And what a difference in attitude from the Staff I had too, the nice smiles and sweet talkin that occured during the Application Process turned to 3rd degree questioning as to why I was dropping out, no smiles and lo & behold... no goodbyes, I said Goobye & Thank You and I received an "U-huh!" in return... You're soo kind Strayer University! Im soo glad you're not a getting a single dime from me! Goodbye again! lol
As for Utah ... yeah, still cant stand the place! lol
And Ben & I, were doing well, the last few months have been a struggle trying to get everything sorted for the move and soo many things to plan & pay for - not for the move either grrrr. I am learning to be happy again, and Im kicking the depression in the butt, its not completely gone and I know it wont while we remain in Utah but Im not letting it control me and get me down. I only use Facebook now for games and birthday shoutouts, other than that I dont pay any mind to all the dramas & materialistic bullcrap and Ive downlisted my friends list from over 700 to under 200 loooooveee it, most of them were just nosey-parkers neway, those who remain on my page are mostly family and very close friends and those who are determined to have their dramas blasted on FB, just get hidden neway. I got Ben harvesting my farm on Farmville lol I swear he's the best Husband EVER!!! He's been my strongtower through this, despite all thats happened - Ive been soo blessed with him.
We just got back from California, which was a welcome relief away from Utah and sooo great to see the families & friends again but returning was a real damper tho! Oh well, heads down, bums up and get er done lol. We'll be outta here soon... oh please soon. Till next time, toodle doo. God Bless you All xox
Operation 2012 is ON HOLD as my darling BFF & Oper2012 partner, Sharn Is with CHILD... hehehe, woohooo Im sooo happy for them, it will be Sharn & C's first child together and Im soo happy to a doting aunty again and to being ON HOLD myself from Oper2012... yes, yes I know I could easily carry on by myself, but its not the same so Im taking 9mths off toohehehe, I just wont be delivering anything but myself (hopefully) to Sharns side when she has baby. Aunty & Uncle naturally cant wait to meet our newest lil bundle and Sharn & I are already talkin about where we're gonna take baby shopping (of course in terms of baby being a girl... naturally lol), our husbands on the other hands are discussings which College & NFL Football Team baby will be playing for BAHAHAHAHAHA... Boys!!!! lol
Operation OCC - Complete College is back on hold also, unfortunately, the school I had chosen decided to do a 360 on me after I had completed my Financial Aid forms. The first day was a nightmare, My Sociology class consisted of my tutor giving his opinion on the non-existance of God (oh no he didnt!!!), the Human Evolution (Big Bang Theory) and the stupidity of Religion and that (esp the first point) obviously didnt sit well with me so I gave my opinion and it turns out the tutor only wanted to share his opinion and NOT entertain anyone else's - Go Figure! We finished an hour early, so instead of letting us go on to start studying or homework, he made us watch one of His Favorite movies - Im still not sure how that fit into Sociology hmmm. So I promptly dropped out of His class and moved on to my IT class, where my Tutor there while outlining the necessary IT requirements for the class ended each sentence with; "only if you wanna, I mean I really dont stick to it, cause its really not that important, but whatever!" ... WOW!!! this is what Im paying $10,000 a year for??? Are you serious??? .. and so there ended the goal of completing college. And what a difference in attitude from the Staff I had too, the nice smiles and sweet talkin that occured during the Application Process turned to 3rd degree questioning as to why I was dropping out, no smiles and lo & behold... no goodbyes, I said Goobye & Thank You and I received an "U-huh!" in return... You're soo kind Strayer University! Im soo glad you're not a getting a single dime from me! Goodbye again! lol
As for Utah ... yeah, still cant stand the place! lol
And Ben & I, were doing well, the last few months have been a struggle trying to get everything sorted for the move and soo many things to plan & pay for - not for the move either grrrr. I am learning to be happy again, and Im kicking the depression in the butt, its not completely gone and I know it wont while we remain in Utah but Im not letting it control me and get me down. I only use Facebook now for games and birthday shoutouts, other than that I dont pay any mind to all the dramas & materialistic bullcrap and Ive downlisted my friends list from over 700 to under 200 loooooveee it, most of them were just nosey-parkers neway, those who remain on my page are mostly family and very close friends and those who are determined to have their dramas blasted on FB, just get hidden neway. I got Ben harvesting my farm on Farmville lol I swear he's the best Husband EVER!!! He's been my strongtower through this, despite all thats happened - Ive been soo blessed with him.
We just got back from California, which was a welcome relief away from Utah and sooo great to see the families & friends again but returning was a real damper tho! Oh well, heads down, bums up and get er done lol. We'll be outta here soon... oh please soon. Till next time, toodle doo. God Bless you All xox
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