Desperate Times means Falling in Love all over again...

It's been almost a month since my surgery and I'm healing along as well as I can, the scar that I thought wouldnt be soo bad is starting to grimace at me and my smile is almost not completely crooked, however, I still cant laugh without biting my left lip but my husband keeps me laughing no matter how funny I feel and look.

Lately we've fallen on some pretty tough times financially, and we're sooo truly thankful to have family we can call on for help. Funnily you'd think I'd be loosing weight being on this diet of noodles & soup for the last few weeks but alas, no mas! Lol.  A while ago Ben & I saw this movie and I cant for the life of me remember the name of it, but it had a message along the lines of; "It doesnt matter what we do, as long as we do it together" and for the last few months that message has become somewhat of a motto for Ben & I especially when we're discussing our future, where we're heading and how were getting there.  No matter what we've been through, we've been through it together and ridden the rollercoaster along the bumpy road that is Life. Either way, God always leads us through the valleys, moving mountains for us and ALL he asks is we stay Faithful! So we will!

The other day after discussing our finances, our move and promising each other we would never get into this predicament ever again, it occured to me that Ben and I have been together almost 10yrs and the feeling of overwhelming love that flooded over me that night drove me to my knees in tears, to know that in only 9yrs we have weathered many storms and ridden countless rollercoasters but always ALWAYS found the time to enjoy each other and make one another laugh and smile.  When I see him laugh at something we're joking about, or pretend like he's sick of me kissing him, or when I catch him sneaking looks at me the butterflies in my stomach go into olympic mode with crazy flutters, I know that there isnt a man alive I'd rather live this life or any other lifetimes (if you believe in that kinda thing) than with the wonderful man God has blessed me with today.  

It saddens me when I see girls rushing to marry any guy just so they can be married, but Ladies (and Gents) it doesnt work that way... IMO I reckon this is the reason why the divorce rate in America is soo high.  Take your time getting to know each other (before & after marriage, it never ends), learn to COMMUNICATE and when times are rough - don't run away, ride it out together and tell me it doesnt make you stronger! May you be blessed to know the Love that God has crafted especially for You. 
God Bless xox

Day 5

Day 5 and the bruisings have started to show... I know Ive got a loooonng way to go till full healing but I really dont know how Im going to do at work with my mouth sipa (crooked) and my lack of pronounciation of my S's & F's - ugghh! I talked with a colleague yesterday and explained to her the problem I was having with my mouth and the dorkus said she didnt want to see me until my mouth was back in place bahahahaha

Neway, had a follow-up with the ENT Dr and he said I was healing exactly right (I didnt know there was a right way to heal lol), and also explained to me what to look for for blood clots (scaryy!!) and just to rest up... ummm, Sorry Doc but my bills arent going to pay themselves SOO... I took one more day off and then Im heading back to the grind Thurs. On the homefront, Ive been pretty short with Ben lately and I dont know if thats because of the pills or something else... But Im guessing its because he spoils me soo much and with me being post-surgery that Im being even more spoilt! HAHAHAHA Im pretty sure its more the latter than the pills Lol I love my husband and I know I am one of the few to have been blessed with such a wonderful, caring soulmate.  Love conquers ALL and I know if I were to die today I would be content that no matter what had happened in my life, I was blessed with the LOVE of a wonderful man, wonderful parents, wonderful siblings and wonderful friends.  We live in a society where we always think the grass is greener on the other side, never seeing that the greener side is sometimes the side you're actually on.  Remember to always look at the blessings you HAVE RIGHT NOW and not always be looking forward to the Blessings yet to come.  Enjoy the Now people! God Bless xox

"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."

Original: Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850

The Results are In

Yesterday I had the nicest thing happen, the nurse who looked after me in Recovery at Salt Lake Regional called to see how I was doing, Ive only had surgery once before and this never happened and to have her call and check on me was by far the nicest thing Ive ever had happen to me in my whole Hospital History. Thank you Lord for the blessings of the Recovery Nurse.  

This morning, the swelling on my face doesnt look as bad - its still wobbly, I iced it for a little bit last nite so I think thats helped a little bit and Im starting to cut down on my pain meds - I go back to work on Thurs, it was spose to be Wed but I dont think I'll be any good tomorrow on the number of pain meds im on, so today instead of having had 4 by 12pm, Ive only taken 1 pill.  I can feel a bit of pain but nothing I cant handle - God continues to take care of me and theres nothing like surgery to put things in perspective! The ENT Dr called with the results today and All Glory to God - it was benign.  NO CANCER! WOOHOOO!!  Now its looking after me time, Im soo glad to have Ben by my side and I know no matter what may come our way, TOGETHER we can get through ANYTHING!

Gods continued Blessings xox  

Post-surgery

Its been a few days since my surgery and Im healing slowly.  I still have a lot of swelling and the numbness is still there but the doctor says I still have a L O N G way to go.  At least 2-4mths before I get the movement back in the nerves and the swelling goes down.  We will know on Tues the results of the biopsy, but we're both glad that we caught the tumor early.  Soo much I could write about but the pain meds are keeping me groggy and Im soo very thankful Im getting all the sleep I can get now lol I should be ok to go back to work on Wed but we'll see.  God Bless & Thanks for the prayers xox

Spilt Tea & Laptops

"Babe, watch you dont spill your tea - its right by  the laptop" Less than 10mins later; spilt tea over laptop.
Yes I know, but I cant blame Ben entirely because ... umm... I may have been wrestling him! HAHAHAHAHA so when the inevitable finally occured I SCOLDED HIM LIGHTLY... I say that because the old Me would've GONE OFF on him lol but because Im just as much to blame as he is, I couldnt, still, I took a jab since I had warned him earlier LOL
After cleaning off as much as we could, we let is sit (tipped upside down for any excess water to drain out) for a bit before we tried to use it again... Lo & Behold, No Bueno! Sad face
Finally after Ben had gone to bed, I tried to log back in... No working keys on the Keyboard & the Mouse was completely shot.  With the keyboard not working, I remembered seeing something (while tutu'ing with it months ealier) about an Onscreen Keyboard, I located this through Ease of Use in the Control Panel and gave it a whirl... Yeeaaaaa a snail could've outran this Onscreen Keyboard it was soo slow lol So I eventually gave in and decided just to turn it off and leave it sit for the night. 

While sitting there watching TV I got to thinking that I had wanted to give up using the computer soo much (esp Facebook) just last week, and Ben and I had actually discussed this on Sunday after we got home from church.  So all in all, maybe its not soo bad to not have a laptop. 
Needless to say, I didnt loose any sleep over it either, HOWEVER, I woke up this morning and decided to turn on the laptop to confirm it was indeed broken ............... NO, its working just fine again - except a few loose & sticky keys and the mouse still out of action.  Funny though, Im not ecstatic its not broken lol but its taught us a few very important lessons;
1) Dont drink tea around the laptop and 2) Put the laptop away if you're gonna go WWF on your husband lol  and finally 3) Spend more time wrestling (playing) with your partner... Life goes by too fast when you're eyes are glued to the computer.  Turn it off and spend time with your family. 

So, now Im about to turn the laptop off and get dinner ready for hubby when he gets home in an hour.  We have Group Fellowship tonite at Pastors house, so its an early dinner tonight. 

ALSO: This Friday is my surgery for extraction of my lymphnodes for biopsy - Prayers Welcome.  God Bless you all & your loved ones xox

New Years Resolution vs 30 Day Blog Challenge

I was looking for a challenge that I could "realistically" set for myself other than setting a "realistic-but-probably-give-up-on" New Years resolution hehehe you see Ive had the same NYs resolution for the last 4 years; "Loose Weight", and since I've failed the last 4years, Im just gonna stop with that goal lol... I do soo well until the Christmas festivities & just like that we're back to square one lol. 
Want an example? See my blog Blizzards & Crazy Drivers in April 2010 - this went on well enough until my BFF (all the way in Australia - yes you're ears better be burning hehe) got pregnant and well it just seemed fair that we both take a 9mth break hehehe... we do things like that! Lol its no wonder I always fail hehe

So here's how the Challenge won over the Resolution, about a week ago two girls come into the clinic for a pre-employment screening, while they're waiting to be called back they start talking about their "Blog Challenge" and how they've got some ideas for that days Blog.  I mean, they were actually EXCITED about Blogging - I must've made a face because one of the girls giggled and asked why I didnt like Blogs.  I explained that I do have a Blog but I just never got as excited about it like they just did, so they both EXCITEDLY (yet again) told me about this 30 day Blog Challenge and how you can set the challenge for something you want to do in 30 days... something about the time it takes for a Goal to get its wheels turning and blogging about it Everyday starts the engine going.  I asked if it was like a NY's resolution to which one said, the challenge is probably what will make you succeed in your NY's resolution - if you stick to it.  Before they left, I asked how to start said "Blog Challenge",  and it turns out I just have to pick something different to write about everyday for 30 days to complete the Over-all Challenge... which was something I PLAN to start and continue with for as long as I wish.  The 30 Days of blogging was just the beginning...

Ironically, deciding what exactly my OVERALL Challenge was going to be was a Challenge in itself lol... I do know that I am definitely NOT going to be writing about WEIGHT LOSS for 30 days straight. Our Pastor at church is On Fire for the Goals he has set for the church and the entire church has an input in it, I always leave church Gunho to get started on the Church Goals plan... Keyword being PLAN! So my plans??? .... well here are some of the things I wanted to get done this year:

• GET RIGHT WITH  GOD ... Im a Work STILL In Progress People! :)
• Spending LESS time on Facebook - ideally deleting my Acct altogether.. the drama on there is seriously sad & ridiculous!!
• Spending MORE time in the Bible, with GOD and with my husband
• Re-connect with friends & family - the light at the end of the dark tunnel
• Getting financially stable for the move out of Utah - Woohooo!
• Praying for GOD's calling for me & SERVING OTHERS  
• And Getting My Groove Back <--- listening to Celine Dion while blogging lol

So many things and ... Oh My Gosh... did I just make a decision??........ I think I just did.  See you soon!

Doctors arent Perfect.

HAPPY 2011 Everyone.

Pray you are all blessed this coming year and beyond.  In Sounds of Music, Fraulein Maria famously quotes that "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window" and so the door to 2010 has been closed and the window to new opportunities and beginnings in 2011 has been opened. 

Ben and I closed out 2010 in amidst many testings for our health.  Ben's results have come back all clear but he still has a few more tests to go before we can breathe a sigh of relief... even though after the CT scan we breathed a HUGE sigh of relief, however it didnt give us an answer to Ben's health issue and so we hope that the next test will provide some answers, Thankfully so far its not cancerous and we are very relieved.  Our plan to move back home was all dependent on Ben's CT scan and with that coming back with positive results we are back on track for our plans for the move home.. YESS!!

Both of our health issues has been an emotional roller-coaster.  Ben's doctor has been amazing, never making an assumption on what the issue may be and always telling Ben exactly what tests are being done and what the tests are for.  I understand that Doctors aren't perfect and that they're only human who sometimes make mistakes but to say that Im only slighly disappointed with my Doctor would be an understatement.  On my very first visit, after just doing a Urine Analysis she determined that I was diabetic, and even after telling her that I had already been tested for it and wasn't diabetic, she still wanted to do further testing.  I got very worried that my previous tests had been false and I indeed did have diabetes (which unfortunately, runs very strong in both sides of my family).  I also did an Ultrasound for a growth in my glands, the doctor confirmed that it was a cyst but she would have a Radiologist look at it further just to be safe.  Although she figured that the only thing that might need to happen was drainage of the cyst.
So while we waited for the result,  Ben & I discussed the changes that may need to be made (lifestyle & foodwise) and decided to wait on the results before acting on it.  After about two and a half weeks with no call, I called the Dr's office who told me the results had been mailed to me.. MAILED!! I asked the Medical Assistant to tell me what the results were, she told me I was not diabetic (um derrrr) but that I was severely Vit D deficient and that I needed to get on Vitamin D pills ASAP... nice of them to let me know ASAP! And that the Radiologist after reviewing my Ultrasound recommended a CT scan, but no further explanations given.  I had my first CT scan the day after Ben's scan and an appointment was set at the ENT Specialist for surgery to remove the cyst.

Today, Ben and I had our appt at the ENT, Ben has had a nasal polyps for about 3yrs now and everytime we try and get surgery set for it, something comes up that stops it.  We didnt have insurance for a long time, and when we finally got it in CA and started with the surgery preparations by the time it was booked Ben had been laid off, and come the day of his surgery we had lost the Insurance.  So now, the preparation begins again and thankfully this time, we are double covered.  At todays visit, Ben had an appointment set for Allergy testing, and another CT scan for his polyps.  The doctor however set me up for surgery for a biopsy.  This confused me completely so I called the Dr when I got home and told her of the ENT visit and about the CT results, the Dr advised that the Radiologist found a mass and hence the CT scan was recommended.  The CT scan found that the socalled "cyst" was infact a mass compiled of several parts (possibly non malignant) and a tumor but a biopsy was required to determine if it is malignant or not.  I advised her that the ENT was booking me in for an extraction and biopsy.  When I asked why noone had called me to tell me about this, she said she had left a note in my chart for someone to call me - OMG!!  After telling the doctor that SHE should've called me, I hung up angrily and broke down crying.  I work in the medical field and I understand that sometimes things get overlooked but in the terms of this being a tumor with a biopsy required you'd think this would warrant a phone call from THE DOCTOR not her Medical Assistant - who still didnt do that either!  I was soo angry and this is not the way I wanted to see in 2011.  I think Im more angry with the doctor then I am with the results. GO FIGURE! So, after my breakdown my loving husband decided to cheer me up and took me out (despite it being freezing cold) for a chocolate cream pie lol. I can forgive the doctor for putting me through such an emotional state but I know I cant blame her, that just makes me a bitter person.  We take life as it is and live it as best we can, blaming others for the outcome doesnt make or change it, so we'll keep praying that the surgery and biopsy come back fine but if it doesnt, we know God will open a window.

Psalms 27: 8

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming."   New Living Translation, Psalms 27: 8
 
Just wanted to share this, these past two weeks have been filled with some testing times.  Hubby & I had to make an impromptu weekend drive to AZ (7hrs now instead of the normal 8hrs - thanks to the completion of the Hoover Dam Bridge... and incredibably not as daunting as I thought it might be) to visit Grandma who was in Hospital with a long list of medical terms I couldnt repeat even if I tried.  She's a fighter though and hanging in there.  We left Sat afternoon and came back Monday morning.  To say we were'nt knackered would be lying... we were schwoooshed!! Is that a new word?? lol eh well! Regardless, we'll continue to keep grandma in prayers and we have to prepare for the eventual event of having to let her go back to God... it wont be easy but I personally would rather that than see her in any more pain.  WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
 
Thanksgiving was Yesterday and we spent it with family & friends, it was a freezing -2 degrees on Thanksgiving Eve and I seriously didnt even want to leave home but we have plenty to be Thankful for and that we had to share that with loved ones, we are thankful for those who opened their homes up to us to share Thanksgiving with.  The cold however, Im struggling to understand what I could possibly be thankful for... so We both absolutely agree (without any doubt) that this will be our last Winter in Utah - FOREVER!! lol I love that, so we're making plans for our next move as soon as we can find work and finances underway.  I CAN'T WAIT! lol
 
I still have a long way to go in seeking my Happiness again but my family & friends (those that matter and care genuinely, and not just faking the funk) have been sharing encouraging words with me and egging me on back.  The old Me will soon return and she wont be an easy one to get along with but she'll be ME and thats all I want. Lol
 
It will be sad to leave the friends Ive made here in Utah, they've been a Godsend to me, today at work we shared what we were most thankful for and I truly am thankful that no matter where we have moved, Ive been blessed to have met some amazing people and also thankful for those who have given me headaches lol, they keep me on my toes and keep me going back to where I BELONG! A humbling experience but one I need to have more now than ever.  Lord, Im coming... slowly but surely, Im coming back HOME!

Feeling lighter!

No, no I havent lost anymore weight, however, people have commented recently that I do look "slightly" slimmer hahaha SLIGHTLY??? gee thanks! Lol

The lightness Im feeling is the lightness from the suffocation that is the depressing cloud Ive been under the last 6-7 months.  It truly did feel like I was suffocating, I now kinda understand how a caged tiger might feel being cooped up in a small cell for what may be an eternity, and today - the shackles that bound me were released, if not broken. 
Heres what happened, on Sunday morning (about 2amish) I finally had enough, it was just too much for me to take and I decided I either had to end my life right this minute (I know its pretty drastic but its how I felt at the time) OR do what I always knew I had to do, said I would do but never did... and that's to seek God again!

So, I left a note for my husband on the dining table asking him to wake me up at 8am because I wanted to go to church before work.  Ben thought that this meant he had to wake me up 15mins beforehand, I guess in case I changed my mind in the last 15mins lol.  But we got ready, he packed my lunch for work and we left to a new church I had come across a few nights before online when I pushed the wrong button on their website and the Pastors sermon started to play, I listened to him preach to be weary of becoming a Pseudo Christian, I felt convicted, I felt ashamed and I quickly turned it off but for some strange reason I Favorited the website - go figure lol. 

Sunday morning I guess I had made a conscious decision that this Pastor managed to convict me in just a few sentences and that I needed to be convicted a little more, and can I say that being convicted sure did feel amazing today at church, even before Ben & I could sit down we were greeted, hugged, welcomed, hugged & welcomed again by... 4 people at the front door, 3 more at the chapel door, another 3 more people while I was getting coffee in the lobby, and when we were about to sit down 5 more people came up and introduced themselves and well, just LOVED us, I dont know about you but Only GOD could convict with soo much love and boy did I feel it, it only took the first verse of the first Worship Service song to have the Holy Spirit within me come bursting out and convict me further with an embrace soo warm that I cried all the way to the last Worship Song. 

Worship was heaven sent, today was also communion and a rememberance of Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet another conviction and every prayer and every word of Pastors sermon seemed like it was written just for me, my husband stood beside me holding my hand and praising as he does and it wasnt until we were heading home to drop him off before I went to work that he told me that today was an answered prayer, he had long been praying that I would go HOME to God for the peace Ive not been getting the last few months.  I am soo blessed to have a husband who would pray for my wellbeing, and to continue praying for me until God spoke to my heart that early Sunday morning.  I hear you Lord, I thank you Lord for my husband and for this church and I love you soo much!

Draw me close to you Lord, Never let me go.

Note to mention:  My cousin Mikey & his beautiful wife, Nita just had their baby daughter, Leila on Nov 4th - she's perfectly beautiful and smells soo lovely!! Congratulations to them and big brother, Laki. 

328 more days!

Snow & Justin Bieber

I hate it, granted it does have visual beauty but I still hate it! We just got our first Snow of the year and I for one am not in the least bit excited... 1)  because its not even the end of the October and 2) can it not snow without the wind chill!!!!  I think I'd be ok with it if it would just made an appearance on Christmas Day but frankly, its an unwanted guest at my front door.  Lol

Regardless of that, I am happy to say that this will be our very last White Christmas! YAY!! So at least I can just make do with it this year, hang in there till the end of winter and then wave Gooooodbye Forever to Snow! I dont care if its not Sunny I intend to spend the rest of my Christmas' planted at the beach! - California, Florida, Hawaii it does'nt matter where the beach is... I will be at A beach (any beach) next Xmas so help me and Yes, I will be happy to be the only one sitting at the beach even if its raining on Xmas Day, that how much I miss Xmas at the Beach... I know it wont be NZ but still at least its Xmas at the Beach ! Lol

In other news, ironically, after fully not understanding the whole fad that is Justine Bieber, I finally listened to Justin Bieber's Baby on Youtube and discovered that I actually quite like... no not like - Love that song and I thoroughly beat the mess out of it on repeat cleaning the apartment yesterday lol I was still singing it when I got called into work last night.  I finally understand the big deal - the song just makes you feel REALLY GOOD!! You've gotta check it out!

Other than that, Im full, I just finished dinner with my beloved - Chicken Broccoli Casserole mmmm.  God continues to bless us.  Thank you Lord!

NOTE TO SELF: you really need to stop typing in txt mode - it makes for faster editing.