I was warned that I might cry watching Toy Story 3 - I laughed at the thought that an animated kids movie would have me in tears, especially since it takes a real tear-jerker to get me to cry at the movies. To knowledge only two movies had done that, Mel Gibsons Passion of the Christ and Keanu's Reeves movie Devils Advocate - both times because it really hit home the hatred towards God and Christ and what he did for us... It hurt me spiritually, so in saying that I was surprised at how at the end of this animated kids movie I was in a heap on the floor bawling my eyes out. It wasnt spiritual by any means or an attack on my God, nor was it anything to do with the movie.. it was the pure emotions that came flooding out after watching the end of the movie and having a flashback of the feelings I had when I was saying goodbye to my friends and family at the Auckland Airport before leaving NZ 4 long years ago - It hurt me deep, it made me even more homesick and I just wanted my Mom to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be ok. It was horrible and a realization that Ive lived too long in this tragic enclosure of pain.
It also had to do with a conversation I had with hubby on the way home from work one day last week when he said it hurt him to see me soo unhappy and he wanted to know what to do about it. I couldnt answer him because I didnt know what to do with it. So because I couldnt humble myself to get on my knees and ask God to help me, I called one of my motherly figures from my church in California and boy did she put on the straight and narrow! I love her and I knew if anyone could she would (without actually doing it) slap me across the face, shake the mess out of me and kick my butt onto the right track. And I thank sister Mary for doing exactly that. So now, although Im still unhappy with where we are, were looking forward to plans set into place for us to get THERE and only God knows where THERE is.
We have come to the realization that Utah is most definitely NOT the right place for us, its a beautiful place but I have not been very happy with anything this place has to offer, and as well as that - the winters are far too long! hehehe I miss home and we are planning on relocating closer. Im happy and scared all at the same time, Im happy to be moving closer to my parents but scared for my husband being soo far away from his family. He is excited though and Im soo blessed to have an amazing husband willing to do all and everything to see me happy. I will do everything in my power to do the same for him. We are looking forward to the challenges up ahead with the relocation, unbelievably everything is already in place... Ben has a job waiting for him, we have a home in place and it wont take me long to find work as I have many friends willing to take us under their wings. Life is starting to look good again. We're done living life according to others and yes... this is our choice! I love it! We have a jam packed year ahead of us getting everything done before we leave, and seeing the people we need to see before leaving and we're (I cant say it enough) sooo excited!!
We are planning a trip to California in Sept for our nephews 1st person and Ben's sisters graduation, Ive been charged with the duty of making the invites and sending them out. We're excited about getting out of Utah for a little bit and to seeing our friends and family in California. We're also hoping to make a USC game this year also - if you've been watching ESPN you'll know the drama that Mr Reggie Bush has caused but we're still diehard USC fans - we'll get back up there lol, and hubby and I are also getting inked up this year by a very talented Samoan Tattooist, we also plan to visit Tennessee and Florida next year to visit Mum and Ben's brothers. Like I said - its gonna be a very busy year, maybe with all these "TO DO" things it wont be very long and the move will come up closer - Yay.
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